Chapter Unreal

These words are my storm
to something unknown,
my chain game of guilt,
I'll accept the blame...

I just can't understand,
there is no sense,
it's all a lame excuse
to shadow this abuse,
this chapter once unread...

Coming undone,
facing the fact of no return,
yet I still run,
trying to squeeze simplicity
from a dried up sponge...

I pretend I am far too numb
to admit I feel,
the gaping truths
blind me,
they shine in my eyes
like something real...

These words of apology
are tumbling from my lips,
I guess I just can't heal
with this control that slips...

This chaper unreal...

Author notes

this piece is kind of all over the place to me, I wrote it originally 04/07/04 when I was in my war with SI, I think I was trying to apologize to my own skin that I marred because I felt horrible at what I realized I had done to myself over the years, accepting that it was my own fault, and that I knew it was wrong yet also stating that I was not sure how to stop even if that was just my excuse at the time...but I am not that person anymore...the scars are still clearly visible to remind me of what I did, and that they will never go away...and this keeps me strong and stops me from ever lifting the razor to my skin ever again...my body may be a road map of pain, but atleast I can still see beauty inside myself, and I guess that is where it counts...