Behind bleary eyes
Hides the essence of a tepid life
Painted gracefully by debauched artists
Hanged like an old painting
In soiled walls
Of a dead room
A tableau...
Its beauty waned
In misery's charms
Like decayed leaves
In that abandoned garden
A tableau in a hovel
Away from the blinded eyes
Of those who could see
Its obscurity
Almost absorbing
A tableau in a hovel
That I've never slept in
A mingle of desires
Forever fading
In the slowing beats of my heart
What do you think ?
Comments
1 - 37 of 37
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Your poem is striking and arresting. The opening stanza sets the tone and scene of inertia and futility with the imagery of the painting implying being permanently trapped as a face in a painting would be. The whole poem is unified by a sense of all-pervading decay and darkness where even desires are "forever fading" into the dissipation of the black hole. Having seen your pic on your comments, I can't believe you have been depressed - you look lovely. Tony
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Thanks
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I love the ending of this poem!
"A mingle of desires
Forever fading
In the slowing beats of my heart"
What beautiful imagery! Great write!
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you've taken my breath away. those opening lines:
"Behind bleary eyes
Hides the essence of a tepid life
Painted gracefully by debauched artists"
pure magic and the rest just as good.
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Thanks
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nice imagrey. overall beautiful poem. all your work is simply marevolous!
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Thanks
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dunno what your other work is like, but this sure is brilliant. The imagery captures all the vivid emotions, while structure leaves this sort of half empty feeling behind, which is my interpretation of the poem. Awesome:
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Thanks for the read
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this is incredable great job
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Thank you
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your welcome
what inspired you to write this? -
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I've been listening to this band,Keane.Before writing this poem I used to write darker poems,cause I had personal problems and was always moody.Things changed and that poem reflects those changes.Also reading poetry in general always helps.
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Although I adore the first stanza, I like this one even better.
"Its beauty waned
In misery's charms
Like decayed leaves
In that abandoned garden"
I think this one centers the idea of your poem, and gives it much meaning and focus.
I'm not sure about the title. It's an over used expression, and has an uplifting, silver-lining type connotation. Perhaps this is intentional irony, but it doesn't seem to sum up your poem. Either way, the title is the reason I clicked this, so it caught my attention just the same.Well done all in all! Keep writing.
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You're right.The title seems out of place,but I'm terrible with titles.I know the word afterglow or any of its synonyms are popular in poetry lately,but I like the feeling afterglow gives to me.That's it and couldn't think of sth else.
Thanks for the read
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Oh, do you need to wind the swan with a rose?
So much for a 20-year-old. Damn impressed.
Love & Blessings,
~
~ Janet ~ ~
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Thank you
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the first stanza has great impact and imagery. i love it. i like the idea of a dead room.
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Thanks
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Id like to reccomment cus i re read it. I re read it cus I enjoyed it
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Thanks for the re read.
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The poignancy is mesmerising and captivating it holds the reader in thrall I can feel the emotions come alive and creep into the recesses of my soul and stay lingering there. I am glad I clicked on this
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Thanks for the read
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bleak,i love it
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This poem seems abstract, Im gonna re read it to fully understand it......................... okay, after a second read I understand it. Its interesting to say the least. Possibly work on the flow but maybe you meant it to be that way, it would certainly make sense. Good write
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Thanks for the read.I meant the flow to be that way.It's a bit abstract,but it's simple in the same way.
September Daydreams
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This makes me think of debauched poets of the 1800s, tired from so much life. I really enjoyed reading this and find that each stanza makes me stop and think and reread. Great writing and imagery.
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Thanks for reading it.
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This is absolutely beautiful. and I love your screen name.
I also wrote a poem recently called Afterglow so this got my attention
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Thank you.
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Wow...that was so incredibly deep. I felt like I was falling into your poem. I know that sounds weird, but that's the best way I can describe it, really...
The word choice just left me stunned. The imagery was breathtaking.
Thank you so much for writing this. It was such a pleasure to read... <3
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Thanks for the comment.I'm glad you liked it and that it could transmit some emotions
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Great write. Sort of dreamy. I like these lines -
Hanged like an old painting
In soiled walls
Of a dead room
Nice.
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thank you
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It's not dark, no, but it seems so sad and distant from the light of the world.
Like you are whispering to the masses that something is missing, and the empty void leting something escape without replacing it with anything warm....but I could be quite wring, as I am sleepy
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very well constructed. i enjoyed the narration that seemed detached with a sense of longing.
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Thank you.
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