I never wrote a word about the addiction.
I never
wrote
a word
about the
addiction
I never wrote about the thick syrup numbness and
weeks soooo totally out of it, man…
slow whispers from the fat serpents
winding round my ears
I was a fucking medusa.
and every now and then still
the object of my desire
calcifies, crumbles,
engagement rings
wedding dress
right before
I turned crazy.
I’ve always been a wonderful fake.
I had it together under teeth and tongue
placated feelings artificial,
not the craziness curled on a sofa
wild-eyed fear of sea-blue florescent hallways
in no slip socks mewing pathetically
dragging dolls by the hair in lue of children.
The real fucking nuts kind of crazy
where no one meets my eye anymore
lest they crumble, too.
Author notes
"There ought, I thought, to be a ritual for being born twice--patched, retreaded and approved for the road."
just a scribble at this point. please cut ruthlessly.
Please tell me what you think
Comments
1 - 5 of 5
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Hey Kier Haven't read anything of yours in a long time. I think this is one of the most powerful pieces you have writtten. I hope you are doing well.
Love Janine -
Feels like the time I came off Lorazepam
Im absolutely hypnotized, thought-stoned... I love feeling this.
"I never
wrote
a word
about the
addiction"
Neither did I. No one knows. I shook for weeks and weeks and I tried to relax, but I've never stopped. I love this line, it covers so much... Both emotionally and psychologically and 'dependently.'
"I never wrote about the thick syrup numbness and
weeks soooo totally out of it, man…"
Geez, I've never been addicted to drugs, persay, or alcohol, but I have spent weeks out of it. The 'thick syrup numbness' is perfectly frased, like inactivity, euphoric immobility....
"slow whispers from the fat serpents
winding round my ears"
I don't quite understand it. Please elaborate.
"I was a fucking medusa"
What a metaphor, what a metaphor! I so understand.
"and every now and then still
the object of my desire
calcifies, crumbles,
engagement rings
wedding dress
right before
I turned crazy."
Damn... Perfect penning of emotion and desire. I often reside their, but I, too, turned crazy. Calcifies is a good word here.
"I’ve always been a wonderful fake."
I'm not sure if you like Sheryl Crow, but her song 'Weather Channel" uses the word 'faker' and this just ah!!!! This speaks to me, I often hide myself behind 'wonderful' acting.
"I had it together under teeth and tongue
placated feelings artificial,
not the craziness curled on a sofa
wild-eyed fear of sea-blue florescent hallways
in no slip socks mewing pathetically
dragging dolls by the hair in lue of children."
"Placated feelings" is a line worth a million. "I had it together under teeth and tongue," but is that best? Silence is a savior but a hardcore harmer. I only see one type, fluorescent is missing the 'u'.
"The real fucking nuts kind of crazy
where no one meets my eye anymore
lest they crumble, too."
I'd see you eye to eye, after two hospitalizations, weeks of mania, etc
How can I not? I've crumbled long before having walls.
Insane writing, outstanding truth!!!
Kristy
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Dang. Love it.
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"I was fucking Medusa." My first thought was, "did she enjoy it?" but, that is my own perverseness. I love the line "I've always been a wonderful fake." I always listened to you laughing for all the stories you tried to sell me, with just enough truth to be tantalizing.
The world catches up with you. It runs over all the parades and pretenses when you haven't got even a kite string attached to what is really going on. Flutter, flap and spin and after awhile the wind begins to rip holes in the fabric. ...
This is almost a moment of clarity and some kind of amends, like an apology for all the things you didn't know you were doing but had an excuse for. The excuse is killing, killing...
I can remember looking at you and you tried to take my clothes off because it would keep me a stranger and let you run farther away. Besides discounting is always better than letting what counts get a foot hold.
This is a good poem. Way over the heads of most. But everyone will claim to understand. Screw the ones who feel sorry about it, they miss the point totally. Standing up without hiding is a big first step. Hurray and all that good crap.
Love,
Tom B.
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I have great respect for you and your work, may i ask what was your addiction?
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