.
they wait, eager-eyed and intent. and sometimes, I lull myself into thinking they are nothing but grotesque statues, a field of misplaced affection. but I can hear their impatience
they watch,
with their
tiny little
bled-white
eyes; all
dust and
bone and
lack of
passion
I can see their throats, gaping and gasping and sucking at emptiness. but I am just so tired. for so long I believed, collected, nurtured - so long
they wait;
and the
circles
grow, and
my heart
is silent
there just aren't any words left
.
This is a draft - be as harsh as you like.
Comments
1 - 7 of 7
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Special Ambush
Hmm, interesting piece, I am nit sure what to make of it. My first thought due to title is that the birds were being blown up. I do take poems literally when I can't figure them out otherwise. You have been hoodwinked because someone cared about you.
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Special Ambush!
Dear Polly,
Your writing and style has matured in so many ways. Every time I read your work I find something special, fresh and unique. This write is no exception, staccato verses inbetween add tension and unease, like the feel of hot breath on ones neck when the room is empty, it's unverving. This could be interpeted in multiple ways, my own sense of this poem is that it is about Death stalking its' prey, there is a definate sense of doom and finality in this poem. I may be way off base but that is what came to mind when I read it. 
Write On!
You have been Ambushed today by your Poetic Bandit family because WE CARE and want to acknowledge your wonderful qualities you have brought to the Bandits in your service and leadership. I know that much of your work is invisible but I know how hard you have worked to keep the Bandits alive and well as one of the best groups on AP. I thank you from the bottom of my heart dear friend. God Bless you real good.
Brother Dennis
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Should that be a comma instead of a semicolon after 'wait'?
"grotesque statues, a field of misplaced affection"
Dig the imagery. It's kind of ... well, it reminds me of those (talking) statue things in The Hunchback of Notre Dame, all animated and stuff (except like, less happy). 'misplaced' feels significant. It's got a ... lost but self-aware of it feel.
I like the prose and the alternating stanzas. It doesn't feel choppy in the slightest.
The really short ass line breaks for the stanzas is nice, too.
"gaping and gasping and sucking at emptiness."
I had this stage where I thought gerunds were death.
I'm no longer in that stage.
I love that.
Good to have you back.
;
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sigh. the imagery is stark & eats at me til I beg for more -
loving every word
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it's so nice to have you back for a little while!
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This was gorgeously crafted.
Such depth & vigor to your
words, creating many
images for the mind to
soak in.
Loved it.
Hope to see more soon!
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This hurt my heart to read, but I don't think I can quite explain why. I loved it, but it felt so...forlorn. Incredible job on this.
Write on.
~*~SP~*~
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