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Flora

The weight of the morning dew bends old safflowers,
so that they cannot see the roots of the young saplings.

Author notes

It is as traditional as possible, minus the syllable restriction.

Please give me a HARSH critique.

    I plan to revise this poem: please leave constructive criticism!
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Comments


  • Roy Flynn silver member
    October 7

    Edit | Reply
    i think you did a lot with so few words. You got your point through, and vividly decribed it. The only i would say is you had a lot of filler words. Not to say they dont add or make sense, just seems as though you could have put more descriptive words in there to add even more


  • Goddess of illusion
    October 6

    Edit | Reply
    Short and sweet... hmmm , maybe just one more line would do it justice...

    Otherwise, I liked it...

    Keep on penning with ink that never fade

    illusion