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Flashbacks




we hold on to dry daisies
after the trees become naked
and maples leaves crumble
inside the incomplete scrapbook

and the last bottle of fireflies
twinkle when clouds
blanket the stars

the Monarch breaks its wings
but the wind rustles the buttercups
and a wind chime plays
another eulogy to summer

with closed eyes
I feel the whisper of spring
as we walk through winter







A contest entry

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    I plan to revise this poem: please leave constructive criticism!
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Comments

1 - 9 of 9

  • amaranthine lover gold member
    November 28
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    23.6 / 25

    The last stanza threw off the rest of the gorgeous piece. Perhaps something like this: "with closed eyes, I see your picture before autumn came."

    You worked so well with brevity, and then that last stanza came, you lost your rhythm. I'm just trying you to help keep your rhythm consistent, that is all dearie! It's great nonetheless!


  • Rick Weston silver member
    October 11

    Edit | Reply
    i really like the images you use in this poem. nicely done.


  • Ken-Maverick
    October 11

    Edit | Reply

    JUDGED!!

    What a wonderful take on the prompt
    There are some awesome lines in this...well done.

    Thanks for entering
    and all the best to you in the contest.

    Ken


  • smitaanand
    October 10

    Edit | Reply
    So poignant so beautiful like a breathe that has ntered into words to create this magnificient delight to the senses.The words are all alive the memories cherished and very much alive Thanks glad you shared...


  • awannabepoet
    October 6

    Edit | Reply
    What a lovely poem this is, what a pleasure to read and always I find your writting is just so delicate and yet still so intense.

    Is it possible to be fire within ice?


  • sharptooth
    October 5

    Edit | Reply
    the flow of this poem is nice, it has a certain rhythm to it, and you have such a knack for aesthetically pleasing nature imagery. love this.


  • SteveS gold member
    October 5

    Edit | Reply
    Very pretty poem. I read it twice..the second time much slower to take in the "scenery" and that made it all the more wonderful.


  • ccawley gold member
    October 5

    Edit | Reply
    This is so peaceful and beautiful.
    lovely language...:0


  • Amera gold member
    October 5

    Edit | Reply
    This is most likely the best poem I have ever read about autumn, every line is original and paints a vivid picture.

    Love,
    Amera♥

1 - 9 of 9