Room Darkened By The Fall Of Night.
Hold Her In Your Arms Tightly
Your Other Half Unable To Fight.
Whisper In Her Ear Lightly
Rinse Your Mouth With Deadly Poison
Lightning Strikes The Outdoors.
Your Begging My Pardon
I've Never Felt This Pain Before.
Now Is The Time To End Us
Burning Now Are My Poisoned Lips.
Now So Cautious Of Fear
My Hands Tightly On Your Hips.
*Faintly Tell You I Love You.
*Kissing You Gently,* Veins In Your Neck Are Now Black
Your Grip On My Hand Loosning With Your Last Breaths.
Your Heart Is Being Attacked, Theres No Turning Back
Her Voice Fading * What's Happenning'
Tears Running Down ' Shh It Will Be Over Soon'
The Poison Has Spread In This Bed She Lay Dead.
Holding Her Tighly ' I'm Sorry' *I Choke Out
For Me To Now, The Lights Are Out
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What did you think
Comments
1 - 7 of 7
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it is good, powerful and there is good detail and imagery i like the way that you end it, it was a very good way to express emotion, sometimes the cbest thing to do is use exact lines and words from a person , it adds more insight to the mind nice work
i also like the background, many poems (including my own) have just red and black
but the blue adds a nice contrast
excellent work
-mary- -
This evokes a rather poignant image. I am assuming that she is terminally ill and there is a euthanasia going on here? It is bit vague as to whether he joins her due to the misspell? at the end. '" I'm sorry. I choke out for me to now"'. Tip: use poetry or prose. It jumps from one to the other. Like I said, it draws out a very touching feeling albeit a bit scattered. Very good theme.
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A beautifully written poem. Very nice and strong. I enjoyed reading it. I liked how you started out with a form then ended with a different form.
-Steve-
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Thank You
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this seems really good
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wow
this is good hey -
The Last Part Is All Over The Place No Rhyming As The Beggining But Its Kinda Of A Cyber Part? Soo Don't Mind The Patern
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