What's on my mind-10/5/09

So much has changed that I never take time,
to look back at who I use to be,
am I who I wanted to be or something else?

In April I will be a mother,
responsible for another,
and the honest truth is I am terrified.

What I want is clear as glass,
and as murky as the mud,
when will I know what I want?

Nothings as it use to be,
back then when I was just me,
now I look around confused.

A husband, home and loving child,
is what I need to be happy,
so why am I so empty inside?

There is something missing there,
I still can't see and yet I stare,
a shard of my soul has been misplaced.

If that is all that's truely wrong,
then I should be able to fix it,
so how do I find the shard?

Somedays are great and I'm content,
others are Hell on death I'm bent,
it changes for no reason.