I wake up warm
and soft-
wrapped in an off color snow.
breathing's never been so comfortable
or easy.
there is a softness at my fingertips
a fog within my brain
I am hazy-- and happily
so.
You lie on my right
serene upon your back
crimson curls-
rebelling.
There's a scent in the air
I can't quite place
and a quality in this moment
I could never understand.
You interrupt- my thinking
and open up those eyes
that never ever seem
to cease to see.
And suddenly this room- is
all too small.
This bed and off snow blankets-
nothing.
So I give in and revel,
yes just purely revel
in the beauty-
and the warmth of
perfect whim.
For there is something in that glance
that pauseless- shameless-
look
that simply wrecks my soul
and upheaves all my mind.
Then there comes a maelstrom
a storm- inside my head
The breath that was so
easy- runs away.
This room is closing in,
or you are taking it up
as slowy but surely-
as sin.
Author notes
I'm not entirely sure I've captured this moment, but then; it is timeless.
Written April 8th, 2004
In a list
A contest entry
- what you think about love.... by JustAnotherSuicide.
300 points, ended April 13, 2004, 21 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest
What did you think
Comments
-
maelstrom indeed
this is my very favourite thing of yours i've ever read. -
Yes, for the most part you did interperet this piece wrong; but only in that you say it becomes sad. On the contrary, the speaker is left breathless in a moment of pure beauty. A maelstrom is indeed a moment of chaos, but there can be beauty in chaos. And so as well inside the speakers head a storm/maelstrom of thoughts/feelings/emotions arise to assault them as they witness their partner opening their eyes. The rooms gets small because their partner is taking up all of their attention and so, the room is insignificant. The storm is a metaphor for the chaos caused by beauty. But I do appreciate your comment and the applause. Thank you so much!
-
this poem's got me spinning two ways. the entire first three quarters were so powerful - they were so soft and emotional. they were awesome, and they spoke to me. just from those parts alone, i have no clue how there are no applauds on this piece yet. but then, it seems like when you get to the last couple of stanzas, everything shifts, good becomes bad, happy is sad. and that kind of left me confused. you described such a wonderful moment, and then in a heartbeat it all changed. then again, i'm probably interpretting it all wrong... sorry if i am. a maelstrom is a violent whirlpool or a moment full of chaos, right? i think that's what kind of got me thinking that everything turned sad. but maybe it was more that, things got incredibly happier as the moment progressed. and you experienced something incredible inside your head. yeah, that fits a lot better i think... ha, sorry, i've probably wrecked my entire comment... this poem is awesome.
have a good night
-
that sounds soo wonderfull hope i can experience something like it some day... doubtfull tho my life isnt full of wonderfull moments. there only has been 3 good moments in my life the first one was the first time i crowd surfed the other was the first time i did drugs and the second was on the stairs with josh talking and more wink wink but yeah in 16 years you would think there would be more but noo oh well god write laterz ~X2c~
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