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new moon

Missing image

 

i

 

when her eyelids
                           closed

she hid the moon
from the sky

     and with each blink
stars appeared without
their mother

 

 

 

ii

 

 

                 she counted

the grains of thought
beneath her fingernails
using her teeth


     and urged her tongue
to taste

and tell darkness

 

what she felt was missing

 

 

 

 

iii


she heard dusk 

                         sneak between

the seam of sky and melted ice
as she parted her lashes

 

    one thousand miles at a time

 

 

Author notes

prompt: yard work by marlene47
(I urge everyone to read this if you haven't already)

I was inspired by several parts of the piece. The "moon" and "the beginning and end of dark" (first few lines) were the main inspiration as you can probably tell. I also took the ideas of "dirt" which I used in part ii and the reference to "mother" in part i.

 

image credit:  Moon angel by =riamali

 

In a list

A contest entry

    I plan to revise this poem: please leave constructive criticism!
    : , Your review:

    Comment Suggestion: What is your your first impression?
    • Line numbers  • Invite them to read
    : no Cost: 0 free left 0 points, You have (?)

Comments

1 - 18 of 18

  • im just human
    November 21
    Edit | Reply

    wonderful

    great job,well done


  • thepoetself
    November 4
    Edit | Reply

    A MASTERPIECE!

    You could breath life into the most complexed of visions.... I am utterly moonstruck!

  • Tadgh
    October 14
    Edit | Reply

    Thank you

    joy to the muse within you working overtime


  • simone waters
    October 13

    Edit | Reply
    The sparse quality compounded with the strength of imagery, especially, but not solely, in iii lend a mysterious voice to the poem that is intriguing. I like this poem very much.

    Most worthy of note... congrats on well-deserved recognition, Poet.


  • Danny Beatty gold member
    October 13

    Edit | Reply
    canon i and iii !!!!!!! wow ... at canon ii I was held up a little bit by the nails but caught it after awhile ... I love the cubist approach .... I am sure this is a cubist poem, but it could be argued that it is ... I know it is hypermodern ... by that I mean it rocks from top to bottom, is slim and powerful and chops away with a brush the reader's apathy he had for the day when he got yanked by the first part of the poem into the whole thing.

    nicely done ... the speed of i and iii ... a nice contrast to ii, the truly contemplative part of the poem

    Bravo


    Danny


  • ears2hearyou gold member
    October 10

    Edit | Reply
    I enjoyed this poem!
    Lovely textures and depth
    within it....

    I bet we all read it two or three times
    to sip upon it and bask in it's imagery!

    ears/Seattle sis
    WAY TO WRITE
    loved the inspiration poem you featured on it too!


  • atrophy
    October 8

    Edit | Reply
    Your imagery is absolutely exquisite.

    A beautifully written piece.

    Best of luck to you in the contest.


  • superstition
    October 8

    Edit | Reply
    WOW...this is just a FANTASTIC write from start to finish. I'm so drawn to the night hours, so I connected to this one through and through. Great imagery....the words just weaved in and out of each other. I think my favorite part was probably that first stanza, but the whole thing was great. Keep up the good work!


  • sgking123
    October 8

    Edit | Reply

    amazing

    super stuff...this poem..so crafted with beautiful words and imagery that I was spell bound...it is really a pleasure to visit your poetry and give it a read. I would really appreciate if you do invite me on you oftener... i would come in quite rushing...kudos hun


  • emma...
    October 7

    Edit | Reply
    wow, this is so beautiful :] i love the picture you included and every line is brilliantly written. iii is my favorite.


  • TerriMac gold member
    October 7

    Edit | Reply
    A beautiful piece of poetry - no other words necessary!


  • Xxcant runxX
    October 7
    Edit | Reply
    wow great job


  • MichaelLeeSmyth
    October 7

    Edit | Reply
    WOW!!!
    The Mother eternal is well represented here. The wording here is simple and effective, reminds one of the creation tales of the ancients.
    Very good.
    Peace


  • Night Hope gold member
    October 6

    Edit | Reply

    This is just such stellar work, silverscent...and that ending stanza, with its final two lines...impeccable penning, Poet. Good luck in Danny's contest, Sweetie.



  • Andi. gold member
    October 5

    Edit | Reply
    i dont think i quite have the words to describe my feelings on this, just.. truly beautiful.
    i love it, and I'm hoping you get something gold-like for it
    ♥andi


  • Badass Brea
    October 5

    Edit | Reply
    I am SO diggin' this piece from the picture to the flow to the painting in my mind it created so wonderfully!

    I love the thought of stars being born from a blinking eye (which I'm assuming is mother natures)

    When I first saw the title I expected a vampire poem, but was pleasantly suprised to read this!

    Thanks for sharing!
    Brea


  • jazzcat gold member
    October 5

    Edit | Reply
    That's great writing! Great imagery, great flow, great style...great, great, great! I really love this:

    'she heard dusk
    sneak between
    the seam of sky and melted ice
    as she parted her lashes
    one thousand miles at a time'

    But, having said that, the opening lines which fit the picture a "T" pulled me in immediately. I am in awe.


  • sweet arrival gold member
    October 5

    Edit | Reply
    never ceasing to amaze. your imagery is beyond compare to any others. wow... just wow.

1 - 18 of 18