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Between my flaws are soft raindrops of hope

I sit in an aura of soft light

watch raindrops open

as strange avenues flood

lost in a deep rhythm

that emerged

from rolling thunder-clouds

unraveling time

seeking knowledge about

the how's and why's


set by angels that release dreams

they draw my eyes inward

towards the plus and minus of life

inside misty expressions

crisp and white

I become invigorated, connected

slightly spell-bound

somehow captured by total grace

unfolding experience from pale shades

of green

heavy breath is held

in tight suspension

as the essence of poetry

echos

underneath a canopy of lush trees

it is there that I am

baptized by rain

inside this re-invention of

self

yet-

the complication of life lingers

underneath October skies

and pieces of tomorrow still reach

for the gentle feel of rain

on skin

 

 

BecZ 10/5/09

Author notes

Prompt: Poem "Green Rain" by Dorothy Livesay

A contest entry

Any suggestions are welcomed

    I plan to revise this poem: please leave constructive criticism!
    : , Your review:

    Comment Suggestion: What is your your first impression?
    • Line numbers  • Invite them to read
    : no Cost: 0 free left 0 points, You have (?)

Comments

1 - 9 of 9

  • Layne
    November 3

    Edit | Reply
    Hey my friend, its been way to long!!!
    I am glad to be back and catching up on everyones work! I love this piece

    "it is there that I am
    baptized by rain
    inside this re-invention of
    self"

    very clever choice of words, awesome!


  • poetryality silver member
    October 30

    Edit | Reply
    There is a sense of the positive written here. Your words lead the reader by the hand and take us to a plce where all dreams are possible. It is good to self-refelct and mend all the areas that may be holding us back. An exquisite take on the prompt and a wonderfully written poem that sparks a fire in the reader. "Green Rain" has a cleansing effect in your poem.


    Much Love ♥

    Renee

  • tara wilson gold member
    October 15

    Edit | Reply
    "yet-
    the complication of life lingers
    underneath October skies
    and pieces of tomorrow still reach
    for the gentle feel of rain
    on skin"


    i love these final lines so much, what a beautiful stanza and thought here, what a nice look forward and a feel for the future..thanks for entering Becky.


  • Night Hope gold member
    October 12

    Edit | Reply

    Your fourth and final stanzas are lovely, Becky, as is the rest of this piece. Good luck in the contest, Sweetie.



  • hawkeslake gold member
    October 6

    Edit | Reply
    Beautifully written, and brought me back to my sun porch, where I can find my poetic center. Your connection with nature and its electric nature is powerfully portrayed here. Word choice and flow are wonderful. Lita

  • Rowan gold member
    October 5

    Edit | Reply
    You have such a way with words, ...
    like a soft transluency that envelopes the reader and takes them into your world..
    sigh.


    • zochit2me gold member
      October 5
      Edit | Reply
      I think you were being choked by a cord when you read this

      LMAO
      J/K...Kathleen...you know I appreciate your input


  • StarEyes
    October 5

    Edit | Reply
    I think this has to be one of my favorites pieces from you! This is fantastic! I love it! I love the images you have here! Great job!!!

    Best of luck in this contest!

    and love

    Nyetta


  • crivanea silver member
    October 4

    Edit | Reply
    i wish my bio teacher is nice..than i can give him this poem...and maybe he'll give me an A because this is 4.0 quality lol...i love it...such soft wordings..elegant..refined...simply lovely

1 - 9 of 9