Black cotton caresses her cheeks,
nude pendulums beneath
a half-zipped pull over.
She jogged by my memory
in much more than
a bouncy sports bra,
her loose, chocolate
pony tail attempts to hide
her enamored hazels.
Vanilla and orange stretch
bare palmed to the floor
and inviting, within tighter mirrors.
Sheepish whispers
breeze raspy tones,
coherent in my blush.
Her tongue grazes my ear,
nibbles tease as she
laps me again;
I fall ...
One embrace
unleashes inhibitions,
time will have no sentry
over this cloud cover,
[censorship confined to fluorescence]
sweaty whimpers will saturate
the safety lighting, here, tonight.
Author notes
#2 Pictured in your head yet? 
#1 Captured all senses, I believe, some are stronger while others are not, which is usually the case. Even caught a glimpse of another sense too, at the end. 
100 words and under
Btw .. I had to cut 30 words off my original. This has taught me how to rephrase what I want to write in shorter detail within a verbose category, which forced stronger word choices, which is a great exercise. Funny, I think I could write a few pages on this female. No, she isn't real, she is a skim or sketch from my mind. 
... and no, she doesn't have a name yet.
A contest entry
- the embodiment of erotica----> round two (wait for iiiiit...) by JinSays.
2000 points, ended October 30, 13 entries
Silver trophy winner
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest
Comments
1 - 8 of 8
-
uhm
wow.
thank you oh so much for being a part of this challenge. Yes, sometimes when I have to make word choices, it changes the very texture of the write, and I have to be careful of that. This is something I can imagine myself experiencing, the colors/flavors-excellent and effective. You hit both senses, and then some. Sometimes I think I can smell them too, in this write, so that makes three.
Welcome to the third and final round of this challenge, my sweet. Just in time for some weekend writing. Wasn't that nice of me?
see you next round, this write is just wonderful.
love,
jin -
-
Descriptive imagery(vision), sound of her voice, the graze of her tongue(touch), the smell of orange and vanilla ... seems I used taste-like words rather than effectively showing taste, of course I do have laps in there but I have the sixth sense in there at the end.
I know, I know, I was supposed to make you feel it. Glad I could get 3 senses rolling for ya.
-
-
well this is one piece of hot poetry,
yes poetry you have embraced the elements
of pure sultry sensuality and I love it!!
I even saw a glimpse of me
Love and blessings
Rend
-
-
You weren't near Ohio in say .. 1994 or 95 by any chance? j/k.
Thank you kindly for the beautiful comments Rend.
-
-
if i was you'd never question it
-
-
-
I think there's details missing making this open for more provoking thoughts. I truly could see who a dream girl of yours could very well be.
Well done!
-
-
There always seems to be a battle with how much detail should be revealed to the reader. I love using the readers imagination to my advantage.
Thank you for your kind comments.
-
-
Well thanks for sharing you fantasy girl with us. Got a great image of her. Well done.
Buddy
Adding your comment:
1 - 8 of 8
