I've been swallowed up
deep inside
locked away so I can hide.
I don't know what to do
or who tell
I don't think anybody would listen to me, just scream and yell.
Another day
of abuse and such madness to deal with
but still everyday to full I try to live.
No body close
really seems to care
they just bring me down and I find it hard to bare.
Sometimes I feel that
my life isn't as bad as other peoples and I shouldn't be like this
but really it is and this type of abuse just shouldn't exist.
Verbal abuse can hurt
just as much as a punch or kick maybe
and it makes me so down when I get called a depressive 'Emo Baby'.
I know I suffer
with problems, that no one else seems to know about
I can't have my say, I just feel the need to get out.
I do stupid things sometimes
which I feel are weird and just not right
I hate the way my life is, and still I'm not strong enough to fight.
I cry allot
and get told I'm depressed for no actual reason
But no one can see how sad I am, with each year that passes with each season.
I'm told I shouldn't be
living in this sort of mess
dealing with all the crap I do, and bad amounts of stress.
People think I have it easy
when really my life is shite
they cannot see every argument, every event, every fight.
Just because I'm not
getting councelling or on some kind of pills
doesn't mean I'm happy and living with such great thrills.
I actually do want
just someone to feel good around
be myself sad happy or loud.
I feel I don't know my true self yet
or just what it is that I need
I can't find the right path to follow, because I don't know where it is they'll lead.
Sometimes
I want to be a rebel and when I'm older get hammered all the time.
But then I think I don't wanna be bad, I can't waste my life on crime.
But then If I'm good
I won't take any risk's in life, and life's about risks and chances
different courses to do different lovers for romances.
I feel so stupid inside
for feeling so in love and falling for everyone
because I hate the fear of rejection, and feeling like I'm not the one.
My thoughts are so messed up
and people wonder why I act so strange
I'm just trying to pass every good or bad stage.
Then people piss me off
but still I bottle it up inside
I have no one who I can tell how I really feel, cause they'd just run away and hide.
I can say I'm ok
but really I won't be
I'm afraid to let people see who I really am, the messed up me.
I can never be happy for so long
before some fucker comes and takes my smile
Then everything I feel just makes me sick and God why am I so vile?
This really makes no sense
just like my little world
every word or emotion I feel into the open it is hurled.
Why the hell do I always
care what people think?
every word or compliment they say is soon gonna push me over the brink.
I'm only saying what I feel
and how I am effected
but all my thoughts and emotions, have still not yet been detected.
Author notes
Written August 21st. Only just had the guts to post this thing. Yes it's true 
the poem is so sadly true
This is how I feel, I'd love your thoughts on this poem.
Comments
1 - 10 of 10
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You are greatly valued here! I am sorry that you have ever been made to feel this way! I have been on the end of verbal abuse as well as physical abuse, so I can relate to the toll it takes on you. Especially having to be someone you're not,to keep others at a distance so they don't find out ( or worse shun or mock you). I don't want it to seem like I'm saying I know exactly what you are going through because no one does unless they are right there with you when it's happening, I just want you to know you are not alone. You are loved here! We are all here for you anytime you need us!!
My mother used to say," No one can MAKE you unhappy unless you give them the power to." It took me learning the hard way several times to get what she was telling me, but now I know happiness is a choice for me. It should not be based on anyone else and if I CHOOSE to be happy, I shouldn't let anybody stand in my way or try to steal my happy mood. I struggle with this daily, but I find it helpful to know that I can be in charge of my own happiness. I hope this helps in some way!
I wish you nothing but happiness and health!
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Oh honey
You know when I was your age my mom told me you will get throguh this just try to keep out of trouble and in no time life will make sense .Then she would tell me that when we are growing up a womans harmons often playes a big roll in our mood swings and if we can understand this it will help us understand . From age 6 to 12 we still believe most everything people tell us
from 13 to 15 we begin to think on our own and we listen to our inner voice more sometimes its right but most of the time we are too hard on ourselves and we take everything to heart. All of tis honey is your harmons changing every day . Now from 15 to seventeen we can either work with those who loves us or we can find ourselves deeper than we can ever feel we can get out of .You see when you turn to fighting think about it isnt that what you hate that your family does SO why do it you can make the difference by control;ing your life and striving to be happy and let no one take your joy away .What they do and say isnt you and it will never be you unless you fall to their standards .Be strong and make your life the very bet it can be .There will always be people with loud mouths and people that are hurtful only if you let them be and I mean if you ignore them and show what they saya has no bearing on you they will stop .Be the young lady honey I know is within you and shine above them all .
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This is really good but I feel like the rhyming is forced
I hope you're okay Natasha
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Thanksyou Kera.
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Tash.. You know.. Im not in the exact same situation as you, but i do know how it feels to feel.. stupid. and iscolated. and like.. you have built up this persona.. of someone that you arent. and i mean.. sometimes its a blessing cos its just easy to hide behind, but other times you get so sick.. See, i just.. felt the emotion flooding out of every single word, and it just felt so familiar. So, i just wanted to say you can always talk to me. About anything and everything. Even if its to rant or cry or to scream and shout and moan or just a conversation.. Always here for you baby doll..
Just remember. You arent alone. You are strong. And unique. And special. And worthy. And.. just a true sweetheart. Your time will come soon.. and it will be so good when it does come.. it will feel right and you will be free.. So just hold on till then darling..
Loves..
xox
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Thankyou so much Jelly Bean! <3 I love you!
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No need to thank me
only telling my apple flavoured haribo gum drop the truth (:
i love you too!
<3
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*Hugs on tightly tight*
You are wonderful!
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Thankyou so much <33
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nps <3
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