And Feeling Just A Little Bit Better.

Here I sit at this very point in my life I'm not sure where I'm going,
I'm doing all these things for everyone else.
When is the last time I did something to really benefit me?
Was there even a time?
I've seemed to have forgotten my self, just left behind. I've put my self here.
I'm not going anywhere, but why? Just stuck in this continuous circle.
Life just seems to being going the way it is supposed to.
But according to who?
This isn't how I wanted things to be, never did I want this for you or I.
Sorry is just a word that is placed in a form of apologetic circumstances,
so to me sorry doesn't quite have any value or meaning.
But then what are you supposed to say when something like this presents itself?
Words can be the most crulest things in the world.
Because sometimes there aren't any for the feelings you experience.
Is that really fair?
But then again what is right? Everyone will sit there and tell you, "Thats life"
But I don't believe that. Nor will I ever.
"Thats life" are just two words placed in a sentence for those with the disbelife that they cannot change there current circumstances or situations.
But can I be the one to change that?
Of course I can.
The resrictions and boundries in a persons life are only set by that person.
And those around them contribute to that.
I've reached this point and I want things to change.
For once in my life I want change, need change.
I just don't feel right... but it is hard to put into words for you to understand.
See what I mean about words being cruel?
Because no matter how many words are placed on this page,
in what order, collaborating certain sentences, making it 100 pages long.
You still would never be able to pin point exactly what I feel,
I guess words are just copeing mechinisms to help others around you,
get a grasp or place similar emotions to what you are feeling.
But if your like me, sometimes that isn't enough.
I guess I just really want to feel a real connection with another human being.
Is that wrong? Is it even possible?
See question after question lays in my mind.
But I never really know if I'll ever get any real satisfying answers.
Sure there are plenty of answers out there.
But sometimes it seems it's not enough... thats the human race for you eh?
Always wanting more, saying it is never enough,
Atleast I know I'm human.
That makes me laugh because the way I say it sounds like I'm proud.
Proud to be part of a self terminating race, that only instincts seem to be,
kill, spread and multiply. Untill we consume what ever it is that we are after.
like a paracite, or desease. isn't that pleasent to think about?
How similar we are to things that we are trying to abolish.
pleages, wide spread epidemics and disasters.
I seem to go on and on, not really comming any closer to and end.
Just one long sentence or rant or whatever you wish to call it.
But you want to know something it really helped, it made me feel a little better.
not entirly, but close enough to function now.
Now it is left to the rest of the other people that aren't in this situation,
to comment, preach, advise, what ever it is you wish to say in return to this.
But I don't want you to think that anything you say will be ignored,
but considered and placed along in my thoughts for a logical and heart felt desicion,
with what I am currently going through with myself.
So with that I leave this page with some words out of my head and new ones in.
And feeling just a little bit better.
Thank you.