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That Place

A blur of spectres took me to a far away place,
it was calm and unknown to me
and there will never be words to explain.
In that place the most loneliness of hearts would be fooled
into believing happiness may just last forever
Everyone but I
I turned around and began a long journey back home
and I devoutly say to you happiness followed me
with each step...

    I plan to revise this poem: please leave constructive criticism!
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Comments

1 - 5 of 5
  • bijoux
    November 6

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    I really like the last line, but did you mean to say "followed" the tenses don't match...maybe i devoutly said to you happiness follow me with each step...or or i devoutly say to happiness follow me with each step?....idk, just a thought


  • Carnivale
    October 28

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    Do you mean 'spectres'? The last line is wonderful, it really underlines the meditative aspect of the poem. Thanks for your comment on mine


  • DiamondsStartAsCoal
    October 6

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    A very calm and sedate piece, that for me brings back thoughts and memories. This piece reminds me of the saying "if you love something let it go..." And how so many people will fool themselves into thinking they are happy just because they want to believe the lie.

    the line
    -in that place the most loneliness of hearts would be fooled-
    sounds very awkward to me, maybe
    -in that place the loneliest of hearts would be fooled-
    might flow better, just a thought.

    But beautiful piece none the less

1 - 5 of 5