It wasn't the heroin or fucking my mother
Beating up my father, or watching my
grandmother die. Nor was it you who
I loved, that pushed me away. It was god,
and other men. And as the skies crushed
love and flesh against vacuums of blue
I knew, all along, you would not complete me.
However, my children have.
And in the spirit world
I want YOU to know -- that
I am coming for you, and
as all things get weighed
This time you will not decide
my future with your choices
I will make yours,
and it will be hell,
and then perhaps
you will learn to
take responsibility
for your (actions) creations.
Please tell me what you think
Comments
1 - 23 of 23
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This tastes like justice spilled from a churning stomach. I have written to my dad so many things he never read because I knew he would not even understand a word of it. I do believe we must express things...or let them engorge our bodies and souls until we are nothing but swollen zombies. I see lots of them everyday and I really do not want to join their clan. I enjoyed this enough to read it several times and I am now a bit intrigued and thinking I need to read more of your words. I have been seeking new poets to read...glad I found you page.
Az
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For someone who has been through so much you are such an arrogant and bitchy little cunt. Always complaining and although in this case I would consider it something of a contribution...you play-act so hard for someone who is obviously so sensitive.
Don't get me wrong...you certainly deserve some sympathy and understanding...but you can't just demand it and lay it off on people.
You've got to give them the chance to offer it or you're just taking it away from them.
Fucking ironic.
You are propagating your own fears and hatreds.
Not to say that it doesn't sometimes make for good poetry.
If you're just venting...well...there it is.
If you're writing...it's incredibly self-indulgent.
Not to say that doesn't sell records.
Just an observation. -
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On average, I'd say you're probably right. Except this is an actual letter/challenge to my father, and my enemies, who often come by to read little snippets like this, that I write, to gauge the atmosphere -- the barometer. You know, see if I'm even approachable these days. So, it wasn't meant to be "poetic" and nor was I venting. I'm really like this all of the time. Which is why I've been convicted multiple times of beating idiots that have crossed me, stupid. Just a few months back I broke some ass-hats jaw that was screaming outside my house at four in the morning and trying to open gates and doors on to the property. It's just my nature dude, I fight, it's what I do. Well, when I'm not brewing beer, or cannabis.
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Yeah, sometimes you take your guard down, something happens that makes you want to build one stronger than the last. Expectation breeds disappointment though and mostly people don't change. I totally missed your target audience, that paradigm strengthens the work quite a bit. Ignorance breeds misunderstanding. Have you tried saying these things abstractly? Sometimes an indirect approach is good for perspective...allegory, analogy, and metaphor are great tools for understanding demons and angels alike.
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"Have you tried saying these things abstractly?" Well, my father was in prison for fifteen years, so, other than the hundred or so letters I wrote to him? Probably. But I certainly said these thing abstractly in my first published book Juno's Peacock. As compared to my 100 unpublished books the hit underground series Bluto's Bean Cock.
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I didn't mean with him as the target audience...but you and everyone else like you as the target audience. (I know you don't believe such a creature exists outside the looking glass.)
I don't think the people you expect to are going to work it out for you. ((e.g. your dad,)) so that's a big lot of responsibility all laid on you despite the fact that a large percentage of it is not your fault...
I suppose though that you have tried it abstractly in Juno's Peacock.
I don't know. I've never even heard about it until now.
Leverage your anger and angst without filter. There's the trick. It doesn't necessarily mean screaming out, but speaking your truth in whatever dialect you choose to adopt.
As long as every word is yours...
Even especially if only you think you can understand it.
You might be surprised at some of the feedback.
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Well, he's not the only target audience. My mom's in there too, and a few other relatives and associates. The point of the prose is simple. It's a warning. They all know what I'm capable of, and I know what they are capable of, and the message is simple; If you think you are going to show up in my neck of the woods and hurt me or my kids anymore? I'll kill you. And even if you give me the space and respect that I deserve in this life until the end? It doesn't matter because wherever we go in our next lives isn't going to stop me from paying them back. What goes around comes around, and wow momentum's a bitch.
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It sucks that you're in a space where you have to guard against the people who should be there supporting you. They are fuckers for taking that away from you. You've got your own family now though man. I don't think I'd be sane without mine. They're my Jesus, but, y'know...exist in reality. More annoying sometimes, but overall preferable. Take care.
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Yeah... I was picked on a lot for no better reason than just being there because my father was always in prison, and no mother around kind of put me in a situation where I was living with grandparents and aunt and uncles, so, relatives can be cruel, throw things in your face etc... Beat on you, embarrass you, simply because you're different and they can. Then they get used to that, and assume they can do that to you throughout your life, but then you grow up, and turn into what they made you, a monster, and Frankenstein only wants one thing, revenge.
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I went through a great deal of getting beat up and picked on. I don't think people understood me in ignorant old redneckville. I've always been a freak and felt like one. I've learned to embrace that somewhat and flow with it. Shit man, you'll be what they say you are if you don't.
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Indeed, well, I have to climb a mountain this weekend. ttyl.
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If only Ak47's and other instruments of war sang with such balance. These words wound, yet heal. Perhaps hahah! more laser like, cutting and cotterizing at the same moment, psuedo darth my son-my son.
This passage I found absolutely exquisite amongst the swirling twirling storms that are flowing about...
" And as the skies crushed
love and flesh against vacuums of blue
I knew, all along, you would not complete me."
write on!
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I like it!
Rather dark, but poetry is meant to express ALL sides of the human condition. At first, I didn't care for it, but I can't get the deep sentiment out of my mind. Intensely meaningful-it did end up pulling experiences out of me from my own past which shows the talent of the author-to pull in and from the reader! Great as it is as it is readable to all.
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I would suspect, since you are a woman, and I am a man that yes, it would be hard for you to get the gist of it. You would first have to visit your father for the first fifteen years of your life in prison about 200 times then, having never met your mother, when you eventually did? She would have to deny your relationship with her, and then have sex with you, repeatedly, with no regard for others that may be affected by this. Of course, you'd have to consume more drugs and alcohol than the entire university of Michigan, and then have to fight just about everyone for a fucking inch of peace. After that, the poem would probably hold more of a poignant challenge for you. You'd also need a penis, and to have spent ten years of your life as a prostitute. I'm leaving a lot out, because I'm over it. The point of the poem, and or its meaning is simply that it's a shout out to the universe, a challenge to a duel of karma between my creators and myself, a fight in heaven and hell to get the fucking apologies and respect that I deserve. It's the voice of Frankenstein to his father.
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impressive
your words cut like a knife, I thought this was for a contest, You are by far yet still my favorite poet...You get it out so well, if only express my SELF, focus and put all my pain into words...but then again i'd rather read about yours.
Miss you -
Wow!
This echoed a stream of thoughts that have often drifted through my mind! Particularly "....this time you will not decide my future with your choices...." that spoke to me powerfully! Wow! To be honest, I don't think I could offer any revision ideas.... I think it's pretty darn good as is!
Regards,
Sheri -
Very powerful poem. I love the lines "And as the skies crushed
love and flesh against vacuums of blue
I knew, all along, you would not complete me."
I enjoyed the emotion expressed.
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Very interesting poem it demands more than one read - and then it becomes clearer ( to me anyway)
I like this - I like the anger and like the one sided dialogue - good write
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I enjoyed the irony or not...It made me smile
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different
enjoyed it thanks
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The 'you' in this makes a sobering example of the slogan I have been using. "See the lives around you as fragile; and don't play so rough." We don't have as children the power or ability to pick good help, safe places. and later all we can control is our attitude about what happened. I wish you peace, and continued contentment with your young ones. Make them save, and special.
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- love the vacuums of blue..
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They all do...
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