When flying was all the rage
I swooped with the best:
circled glass buildings reflecting sun,
skimmed the ocean until it splashed my face,
teased clouds intent on unleashing storms.
My soaring seasons have passed.
Winds now find me
waiting for release,
waiting to be uplifted,
glorious once more,
on borrowed wings.
Author notes
The prompt wes: "get your head out of the clouds and come back down to earth".
g r a m m a b u f f
This is a substitute for a poem (I follow) submitted earlier. If starting over doesn't please you, delete.
A contest entry
- Starting Line Invitational #1 (Invite Only) by sideways hourglass.
600 points, ended November 9, 6 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest
Please Crtique - I intend to revise this.
Comments
1 - 6 of 6
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80
Earth Weighs Too Much:
first impression: 15/20
Profound level: 15/20
Use of poetic device: 17/20
cohesiveness: 18/20
Last Impression: 15/20
Total score: 80/100
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83
first impression: 15/20
Profound level: 16/20
Use of poetic device: 18/20
cohesiveness: 18/20
Last Impression: 16/20
Total score: 83/100
I do like this, but I wanted more development. This seems like the beginning of something great. Either way, I enjoyed this. Thanks for entering.
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i agree with Tyler completely on this one.
laura.
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I don't have any critiques on the content that is present, but this seemed to have an unfinished feel to it. I suppose the emotion that was present made me want more and more - as if this was a poem meant to be build and build...
I'm suggesting to elaborate on this if possible, but what you have here is pretty good in my opinion.
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much gravity in this. i liked it! "glorious once more on borrowed wings" - very nice. - Mary Jo
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Enjoyed this. Lovely images in the first stanza. And nice touch of realism in the second.
I like 'tease clouds' - is this a double meaning? tease as in mock, and tease as you would tease wool? If so, bravo!
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