Years pass in self-sacrifice and atonement
as I pay for my poor choices and self-appointed sins.
No forgiveness is proffered by those I sacrifice for.
I count myself wrong, never allowing me to be human,
to make mistakes that others make and pass by.
Self-exile keeps me bound by these four walls. . .
No arms to hold me, no whispered words in my ear.
Twas a death sentence I imposed and am living out.
No resolution rounded my corners, no tender mercy.
Just days of oblivion, alone with my loneliness.
Calling myself ugly - damning my own name relentlessly.
So many tears you would not think there could be another.
How I yearn for a lover to share my days and my nights.
But my bed is filled with cats, who love without discrimination,
for which I consider myself blessed in deepest darkness.
But they are not a tender voice telling me words of love.
This prison I have built for myself grows more hellish
each passing day and empty night - and I have no key.
Author notes
This IS a pre-write, but I could not get the system to bring it up, so am doing it this way.
A contest entry
- BluesMans 50th Contest (Friends and Favorites Only) by BluesMan.
3500 points, ended November 1, 27 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest
Tell me what you think, but kindly, please.
Comments
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As it is in our human nature, we are always our own harshest critic and if we are of nobel character and we violate our own standards we will always lay the whip on our own back heavier than anyone else would have ever done. At this point the most important amends we need to make is to ourselves. I know this poem well though I am not the author. Becauswe it speaks of a place in my mind I no longer illuminate or give power to.
Thank you for entering my contest.
Bill
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Sis, a familiar place I know you speak of here..pain can be our companion and our four walls...Your poetic voice rings clearly and echoes in my heart...So well written! Bravo for your transparency!
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DEEPLY AND SADLY MOVING!!!!
This is so sad yet this is something I am able to share with you as I find myself in much this same feeling. The loneliness is so deep and sad, not daring to go out and yet wanting someone to understand and love you.'s
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