every word ever spoken in love lays in glass
tenderly wrapped as lips were around a bottle neck
emptied ten times over to cover the ache in my heart
clouds disguise pain with sudden claps of thunder
that outlast my screams of despair
you’ll never understand why I had to leave
and how I can never return to love
a girl like me will never deserve
I was born into an unfortunate life
still I knew fleeting love
for precious moments before those bars came down again
the lie is over
Author notes
Prompt 4 found at photobucket
A contest entry
- Picture Inspired Contest.... by Sweet Impatience.
1800 points, ended October 19, 16 entries
Honorable mention
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest
Comments
1 - 8 of 8
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this is incredible, absolutely incredible. it's real like life and there is no denying it either. life isn't always what we want it to be, the majority of the time it's the exact opposite and hard as heck. so many bumps along the way and then there are thos unseen pot holes. the kind if we don't see them will attempt to knock us down further. I found so much within your poem to relate to, mainly things from my past, though forgiven, somethings I can't forget. part of who I am now..
I found this poem to be quite powerful and intense. thank you for allowing me to read this.
the ending is surperb, it leaves a question in the readers mind.. what lie and more questions come from that.
Thank you for taking the time to enter my contest
Good Luck
Kat
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Your first line is lovely, and it made me think of something frozen in Time. It is a pun on the word 'glass', as she is drowning her sorrows...
Personified are all things: from the sky, to the ocean, to the very fact of impermanence ("fleeting").
Use of the word 'bars' made me consider jail (esp since she is considered by herself 'undeserving'). However, I think it appears to be an emotional prison.
It leaves us asking: who was lying?
Very beautiful, as always.
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I really and I mean really love the imagry here.
Buut more then what I liked then the imagry was the way I felt lightyears of wisdom flood my essence. Bravo.
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*sigh* this was gorgeous.
this was deep. this was REAL.
you manage to capture what the
picture does NOT show.. the
actuality of it... the colours
that no one ever seems to
grasp.
you make it unique and so
very vigorous.
Love it sis, and best wishes in
the contest
xxx -
Another Wonderful take on the prompt
I'm like Kiwi, where is this awful writing????
I don't see it, I only see brilliance
Very sad but all so beautifully wriiten piece you have penned
Wish you the very best in the contest
Much love
David
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Drinking yourself into oblivion to forget the absence of someone who should be there, but isn't. There's nothing quite like that kind of pain; there are other types that hurt more, perhaps, but there's nothing like it.
If I may suggest something - though I'm not sure if I should, given I'm still learning myself - capitalizing the words at the start of a sentence, somehow tends to make a poem more aesthetically readable. The content here is brilliant; it would be a shame for someone to pass it by because of that alone, but some people would.
Brilliant write.
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That last line of yours is so heartwrenching. This is beautifully, but so sadly penned. Best wishes with his
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So sad, yet beautifully written! I'm still waiting to find this bad writing you're mentioned, because all I'm seeing so far is wonderfully written emotion!
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