Beyond the mounds
of dung and rubber tyres-
it stands
in the shadow of the skies;
steel legs
thrust into concrete blocks,
wiry arms flexed against muscular clouds.
Clouds which crawl across forgotten fields-
bending plastic trees;
and minds, before tumbling
over polythene ponds and porcelain sheep-
towards the tin-foil moon
pinned to that glorious; glittering,
night blanket.
I sink
back to earth-
to that faceless horror on the hill.
That total monstrosity.
Ugly
intimidating
soulless
metal monstrosity.
And think to myself.
I fucking love the wind.
A contest entry
- I ain't real picky about what I like... by Peripatetic.
1500 points, ended October 15, 15 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest - Prewrites ;] by Kathraina.
675 points, ended October 20, 61 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest - Prewritten Poems of Perfection by Michael-B.
750 points, ended November 26, 111 entries
• next poem in this contest, • Add to finalists list, or remove from contest - prewritten quickie. by lyrebird.
400 points, ended November 24, 14 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest
I
Comments
1 - 19 of 19
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This is an excellent piece you've penned, with unique and striking imagery. The ending was unexpected and amazingly powerful.
Thank you for your entry and best of luck.
♥ -
Very interesting read! I love your imagery here, its a great thought-provoker. Good word usage and flow here
bravo and thank you for entering
♥ kate -
I am not sure what the metal monstrosity is, but I have settled on a windmill, I suppose because of the references to the wind in the title and last line. The energy generating kind are not very attractive and do not have the romance of Dutch windmills or water pumping windmills so familiar in our ideal of the American West.
In reading the poem I have the image of a youngster playing near a trash dump with some sort of monstrous metal eyesore rising to the sky. He is fine with these as long as he can focus on the bucolic scene of a toy farm spread beneath the backdrop of country sky.
Perhaps the only beauty in the world of the poet is that which he finds in mindscapes as ethereal as the wind.
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nice imagery, you had so many adjectives that really brought out what you were trying to make your readers visualize. and i enjoyed the ending =] i especially liked the attitude of the poem, and how you made it so obvious. good work!
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Very evocative - got a real sense of the concrete mess humans have made of the world around us.
And yes... good ending!
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I really like this.
It sounds serious and pretty with all of your imagery, but then you left us with a little humor at the end. This is indeed wonderful.
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THIS IS WONDERFUL, I LOVE THE WORD CHOICE
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Cheers mate.
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Hahahahahaha...
I love those last two lines. They gave me a good chuckle. Yes, the towering monstrosities can sometimes make us appreciate the nature around us. I love the comparison you have made and how you delivered it with your humour...Alby
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I love this, so many of our thoughts you have penned
Ugly intimidating soulless monstrosity, an insult to all nature
I agree great write
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nice ending, great poem. lol
I thought it was going to be long and lagging when I read the title..but it was pretty cool and grabbed my attention. good job. -
wow very, very good!!
well written pulled me from
the first line,
with love and blessings
Rend
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I love how you intertwined the man-made with the natural! I am a fan of windmills. Yours are plastered here with an all inclusive paste. Your imagination is vivid, and so is the mind's eye only you can aptly conquer. When I was a youngster and the family went on road trips, the;
" Ugly
intimidating
soulless
metal monstrosity"
used to frighten me.
I dreamed of them often. Now, I relish them and their ability to reinforce energy. This is a wonder! This poem I mean! I am glad to see you back with powerful quill in motion. Love the title!
Much Love & Respect ♥
Renee
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LOL - I took a walk in the woods in this week - sat on a swing on a hill, and, oddly enough, looked up at an old airport tower, staked in the middle of a woods that resembles little of what I remember.....
Harsh, powerful piece. Hope it helped get it out.....
Blessings,
~ ~ Janet ~ ~
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I like the flow but didn't get the meaning that well, probably me not you on that part.
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Ugly
intimidating
souless
metal monstrosity
i like that, very visual with your emotons caught up in it. -
youre back!!!
and with a bang it seems
xxx
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Wow
I love this. It is so creatively descriptive, breathing life into something completely lifeless. Very good. It is an incredible read, no matter how many times I go over it.
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pylons used to scare me when i was younger, i'd dream about them walking around the fields.. so weird
i hear the wind whistling through the ironworks... bloody marvelous stuff
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