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Author notes
I thought I'd revise this old one,and add a video, here is a link to the original http://allpoetry.com/poem/4219906
Please tell me what you think
Comments
1 - 18 of 18
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This is amazing and the background waves add a lot to an already flawless poem. The imagery and rhyming made it flow so beautifully. This whole poem is absolute genius, I'm glad it was featured or I might never of found it. Outstanding write.
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once in a while, I come across a piece of art- be it poetry, music, novel/la, or even painting- that is so perfect, I cringe to see it changed.
I found the conception of the poem very different to reading text,
as it was a moving video, it felt quite alive.
I loved the flow. I would not use words to try and describe it, it's too perfect.
the idealogy, was fantastic,
I loved the personnification, and the utilization of real elements, it made it sing, flow and charm exceptionally.
from my humble standing, the little criticism I might be able to offer is who is the first person? in the opening, you refer to an I, and I'm not quite sure who this is. other than that tiny bit of redundancy,
I don't want you to touch it; I like it too much as is
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Innovative way to convey this tale, although I love waves crashing on a shore it distracted me from reading some parts as I drifted with i9ts tranquillity, but that's more my failure. The poems relationship to the water and the wind enhanced its feel well done.... This must be an English beach not one grain of sand
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Myrtos Beach in Kefalonia
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Greece, would not have picked that but then the pebbles were clean and white
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This was a lovely, serene and very soothing piece to read, Craig. I have always loved the sounds, sights, sensation and taste of an ocean breeze. Your rhyming in this piece flowed quite smoothly and it was a refreshing change from the normal poems one encounters on the site. Thank you for entering my contest, Scribe. Good luck, Sweetie. 
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how good you are
i never tire of reading you
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BRAVO!
How "alive" with the elemental of spirit is this?!!!! It breaths the true sense of alive in romantic verse POET! Far and away your "BEST" in my own humbled opinion. Truly beautiful composition. Your efforts feed my soul it's much needed inspiration and faith in humanity Sir.
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Craig, this poem is beautiful. The elements of the sea personified and it's lure turned into a lovely bitter-sweet heartache of a poem. You use coors and the very essence of the sea to their best advantage with pretty words. And the video is perfect! Nicely done! , Dannie
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Beautiful
Well done
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ah yes - this one makes me sigh. i remember it well. such a beautiful storyline and such gorgeous craftsmanship of verse. the poem stands on it's own, but the video of the shore is a nice touch. i can't decide which version i prefer - i definitely enjoyed experiencing this lovely piece both ways. thank you for sharing.
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wow that was beautifully, love the characters ^_^
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I really liked this!
I'd love to be able to read just the text-I had a bit of trouble following it with the video running. I loved the whole idea of unrequited love between all the characters! It's done in such a fresh way! Your reader can really see the sea and the wind as people! Great job!
There were a few ares where I would add or change a word, but I happen to be very particular about how the sound of my poems flow, so that is really a matter of personal taste...
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Beautiful convergence of media.
poetry, nature and personification/metaphor.
Well done.
Love
Myra
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Beautiful!
That was absolutely beautiful, and the sea background made it ever the more beautiful, I absolutely love the sea and associate it with lovers and the such, so this was not only beautiful to read but in presentation, thank you for inviting me to read its magic, it made me smile today, as I'm still sighing, I just love affirmations like this, Josie
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I Am weeping. And wishing it weren't dark, so I could go for a walk. I've got to go watch it again.....brb.
A dream dreamed anyway, and in alliance, realized - a forgiveness written in the sand, the stars, the wind, their hearts.....eternity placed so poetically between page and pen.
Funny - I watched a friend of mine get married today.....she lit up, and went home.
Your stuff is crazy fantastic. Think you might of tripped a chord.....
Love,
~ ~ Jan ~ ~
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Bravo
Could of let the words stay on the screen a second longer. Old eyes in my case. This is a wonderful personification, with delightful imagery used to describe the players one and all. The movement and dynamics in the piece played well and kept a sense of playfulness and whimsy going without becoming childish. Takes quite a touch to pull that off.
Peace & Light,
Tom B.
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I thought this was an amazing poem the first time round and you have just enhanced the imagery beautifully. I adore the sea and I could play the video all day and never tire of it.
All the best to you in the contest.
Sue
x
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