So happy in her place,
She did so well in school,
Holly with a big smile on her face,
But the kids were too cruel,
She was so smart,
She was so sweet,
Holly had such a lovely heart,
But was never comfortable with her feet,
They were so cruel to this young girl,
She wanted no more of this hurtful world,
Holly was just fifteen,
Why did they have to be so mean?
She thought she was all by herself,
She was too shy to ask for help,
Look what they have done?
Holly's smile will no more see the sun,
She saw the bridge,
With tears rolling down her lonely face,
She screamed 'I can't take any more of this!'
And Holly made her escape,
She was only shy girl,
She didn't need to feel so bad,
Holly never had the chance,
Now, there is no bringing Holly back,
A contest entry
- Your best prewrite- by PrettyRagDoll.
400 points, ended November 7, 22 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest - Winner Takes All.. (1000 points) by LeilaJayne.
1100 points, ended November 15, 229 entries
• next poem in this contest, • Add to finalists list, or remove from contest
What did you think
Comments
1 - 13 of 13
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Unfortunately this is all too common these days... children can be so awful that can cause someone to do this. I feel the pain. I do feel the rhyme was a little forced in places though.
Thanks so much for entering and best of luck in the contest... x -
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Yes I guess you allowed to say it was force a little. This is one of my first poems I wriiten, so I can agree
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Well done!
Congrats on being Featured,
Oct. 3, 2009! ~ Tim
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oh this is beautiful.... the emotions and the story behind the poem touches the heart.... so sad. I love the special treatment you have given it .... a pleasure to read and I love the last stanza... it seems just perfect in these times... time cannot be brought back, ... However, u need to revise it a bit ... in the first verse there is a little grammatical error
i think it should be :: "But the kids were too cruel," ... if I am not wrong
.. its gold otherwise
Thanks for sharing
- Aalta
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Thank you Aalta, I will admit that my grammar can let me down sometimes
and thanks for noticing it! Thank you for your lovely comments too!
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brilliant,fantastic poem,i loved it when you said
she thought she was all by her self
she was too shy to ask for help
look what they have done
holly's smile will no more see the sun !!
you are right to name dis poem by dis awesome line good job
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Thank you deedee
Deedee you are a star!! Thank you again. I really appreicate your kind comments
I have to say this is my favourite poem I have written. It's the only poem I didn't want to change
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thanxx hun,i loved it when you called me a star,you made me blust!!...you are so welcome buh i want yo to know that i read your stuff cause i adore your way in writtin,really i beleive in you!!
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Thank you for believing in me!! and you are a star! lol
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Thank you all! Thanks for making me feel so welcome and thank you for accepting me into the lovely group I'm so pleased you liked my poem
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i read this piece and it sadden me
because there are alot of bullies that
pray on people that just want to be
loved and live in peace, I just wont stand
for that type of treatment, you written
this write with such sweet sadness,
well done
with love and blessings
Rend
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Touching piece!
I am really sorry for the main character to have lost her bright smile.I like it, Bravo
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You Are Featured!
Welcome to Today's Poem!
Before I accepted your group application this morning, I wanted to check out your work. When I saw the title, I knew there was a sadness behind it, and it prepared me for what would come next: a poem about a girl bullied so much that she thought her only escape was to jump off a bridge ~ to kill herself. You've approached this sensitive subject with decency, and it reads quite lyrical. It saddens me that there are people who feel the need to bully, and those who have no way out...
Well done, I look forward to reading more from you!
~ Tim
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