Drowning (Part 1 of 2)

Trapped
in the murky depths
of uncertainty.

Close to exhaustion
but nowhere near
                        acceptance

Kicking up
              and out
but each time
              getting further
                                  and further
                                              from the surface.

Uncomfortable sounds
Cold smells
Unreal sights
                  seen through a broken mirror
        provoke unwelcome memories
        that force unshed tears
        to leave their cocoons of safety
        to venture into a world
        where they merely blend in
                    with the surroundings.

Unable to breathe
    whirlwinds of faces
                          people
                    and places
                                    stream by
              at unfathomable speeds

And every now and then
  a small pocket of air arrives
and the taste of freedom
                    - of life -
                                        along with it...
smiles, cuddles, quiet...

But unable to judge reactions
  the pocket is removed
  muffled silence returns
  kind words are gone.

And the distant echo
of a beautiful, familiar melody
  played by those who do not understand it
is all that remains.