I gave you a chance, I bled out to you
but you wouldn't open up inside
wouldn't just cry out your tears
which I could see even without these eyes
even if they never fell
'cause they felt like every beat of your heart
pouring out the ache
that stands still before the doorway of your dreams
if only you would understand
what you can't seem to hold within your soul
and what now is known by me
how you truly loved me
A contest entry
- After That I Was Never The Same by Budart.
1500 points, ended October 14, 38 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest - Make Me Happy On My Birthday? :D by Jaffa-.
480 points, ended October 13, 10 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest
HONEST FEEDBACK!
Comments
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I thought that this was brilliant and very heart felt.
Captivating and very emotionally deep write.
The last line was brilliant and rounded the poem to a perfect end.
"pouring out the ache
that stands still before the doorway of your dreams"
Those were my favourite lines, amazing.
Very well done and good luck, thanks for sharing xx -
A heart felt, personal poem but a little vague for this contest. Somewhere there is a person who would understand what you were saying but for a general audience this poem needs to be more specific in who did what to whom and more general as to what it all means. That's my two cents anyway. thanks for your entry.
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I like this but I think it could use better flow.
good job of course.
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