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Smiling in Your Autopsy Photo

The art of staying alive never looked any better than when it came from your eyes
You are the reason I breathe, the reason I wake up every morning
.......you don't make my heart beat, baby; you make my heart stop in it's tracks
I've been arrested in your eyes; lulled to sleep in the prison cell that is your heart by the steady thump-thump-thump of the ghosts that make their home there
We dance to the beat of our own distant drummer; following the whisps of fog as they move through the wood
This is the kind of love we've grown up believing in; that happily ever after fairy tale romance.

If only I could write something as trite as the lyrics to those cliche songs on the radio, well darling I would
I understand them now, all because of you.
It's addiction at it's finest; from the way you smell to the way you taste to the way your rough hands trace the outline of my body to yours.

Even your skin turns me on.
You're my car crash kiss
          you, well baby, you are the love of my life

Author notes

about my boyfriend; my knight with a hot pink mohawk

A contest entry

Please tell me what you think

    : , Your review:

    Comment Suggestion: What is your your first impression?
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Comments

1 - 9 of 9
  • Writing0Freedom
    November 6

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    You're my car crash kiss
    - that is a really really really stunning line. I thought that that stood it out extensively, as a strong piece of creative emotion. The rest of the poem read as very cliche however, and the descriptin seemed a little lacking. It fell in the very over done area, I guess.

    you don't make my heart beat, baby; you make my heart stop in it's tracks
    I've been arrested in your eyes; lulled to sleep in the prison cell that is your heart by the steady thump-thump-thump of the ghosts that make their home there
    We dance to the beat of our own distant drummer; following the whisps of fog as they move through the wood
    - these lines read as awkward, and just didn't flow together very well. Also, it felt like a lot of cliches, and It would have been nice for you to have put more show not tell imagery, that really related to you. Write it from the way you see, because the idea of a heart being a prison cell, just read as very cliche, since it's somewhat over done.
    If you do not wish feedback; then please ignore my comments, i only wished to help in the process of editing and such.
    THank you for entering!
    WritingFree


  • Sheilasbabygal4life
    October 8

    Edit | Reply
    Nicely written. Very enjoyable thank you for entering and best of luck too you in the contest!


  • Lowell Poe
    October 7

    Edit | Reply
    Lots of great hard and quick lines here....
    someones in love gypsy.......
    pink mohawk....?.......ok....cool.....
    i cant help making analogies with your writing...
    really look at my other comments to others...i just dont compare their writing to anything...except maybe other writers....and i have mentioned the other writers you remind me of....
    but with your writing .......i feel it more....
    you hit hard.....your like a boxer with one combination after another...
    never letting up till the reader is down for the count.....
    damn lass...i like that analogy best of all..
    but really.....this carries the same kick i always look for in your work.

    Bless you little gypsy,
    its hard to believe that one day
    you would ever write something
    i wouldn't enjoy.
    Liam


  • The-punk-princess
    October 4

    Edit | Reply

    Wow....

    This.. is... THE BEST POEM I HAVE READ IN A LONG TIME!
    I LOVE it It is so sweet and I love the way you wrote it "I've been arrested in your eyes; lulled to sleep in the prison cell that is your heart" That is awesome!
    You did very good on this keep up the amazing work!!


  • Samantha-.
    October 3

    Edit | Reply
    I love the title, I love the style, I love each and every
    word. It's hot, it's intriguing, it's magic. I love it.


  • xstillbeating
    October 2

    Edit | Reply
    Not Only did the title of this drag me in, but the way you wrote it had me intrigued until the end. Kind of like those movies youre so into you never want it to end, or you want to see what happens. I relate to you in this and how you feel. My boyfriend is currently stationed in korea for the war, (he's in the army) and you line "It's addiction at it's finest; from the way you smell to the way you taste..." Because he as well has a distinctive smell that makes me miss him and want to just grab him up. I"m rambling now. But thank you very very much for you entry. Good luck to you!


  • Melee Vau gold member
    October 2

    Edit | Reply

    show it to him.....

    It is just so perfectly loving. every word. I love the opening lines and the closing lines, they are pure magic.


  • atrophy
    October 2

    Edit | Reply
    This piece is gorgeoussssssssssss.

    "I've been arrested in your eyes; lulled to sleep in the prison cell that is your heart"
    ~ wonderful.


  • SorrowsSlave
    October 1

    Edit | Reply

    Show Him!

    "The art of staying alive never looked any better than when it came from your eyes"
    That is one of the best lines I have come across in a love poem! You have done a great job of *authentically* conveying your feelings expressed through poetry. Too often we find ourselves getting lost in the poem, and in turn the poem becomes emotionless. I would be in awe if I ever received anything like this. I also really loved "You're my car crash kiss". Where to you come up with that? It's brilliant! Keep up the great work. Oh by the way I usually don't enjoy romantic poetry, so to me you have really smashed this one out of the park!!!

1 - 9 of 9