i graze the glass in winter, drawing random shapes with the mist just to see if i can actually make a well-rounded circle in which i can put your name and then burst it, maybe then you'd vanish and i'd be free from all memories...
'i can't love twice' you used to murmur in between breathes... and i used to cancel this lie from my mind just so i can wake up in the morning.
we had a castle but it was made of sand...
we had a promise but it was made of pure lies... and no overlooking it ever helped in renewing my love for you.
now looking back then, i don't think i've [ever really] loved you, i just liked the feeling of your arms around me and the way your eyes mesmerized me...
first love, you know, they say it's the truest, most effective and lasts [almost] forever...
but to be honest, i've forgotten you, your name, the way you look and all your habits but i know that if you read this now you'd ask in that utterly painful sarcasm of yours:
'why then do you still write about me?'
but the only answer i know, lost one is: 'i don't really know'
...
(C)Noor 10/2/2009
Author notes
Contest prompt:
3. dancing - elisa
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=PCJ4LrDTDrA
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This song brought in many feelings, current ones and old ones but I found myself writing about the old ones instead... i really hope this would be the last write i do about him.
Thanks for reading!
In a list
A contest entry
- i hope my fists can fight for two. by aanika.
1800 points, ended November 8, 5 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest
Any suggestions for improvement?
Comments
1 - 7 of 7
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my only criticism is that you use run-on sentences quite often, and commas instead of periods or semicolons.
the pain of your first love never really goes away. there will always be nostalgia for that time, even when you think you've moved on. you portrayed that feeling beautifully.
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I think the honesty of this poem slash wonderful confession is stunning. You have a way of thinking things through and a way with words that is oure magic. Stay golden magical poetess!!!!!
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Writing your feelings down is freeing, and they are your feelings and then you grow,
don't rush ahead of yourself Noor, it will happen naturally.
you have so much in store for you
if you stay put in mind and watch God reveal
you talented girl you
I can feel every bit of your emotions because you young lady just have quite the gift
I know I am repeating myself
God bless you Noor
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hahaha!! But i always like your comments no matter, even if you copy and paste them. Thanks a ton my sweet friend.
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DEEPLY MOVING!!!!!
Oh my sis!
I still have memories of past ones who were in my life and now gone. I often wonder "what if" but then realize this is what our Lord meant to be for us. Time does ease sorrow and heartache but cannot take it away all together. Memories will forever be with you just as mine are with me, moving on and striving to reach forward is our hope for a new found happiness in this life.
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It's not always easy tp forget is it,
but forget the old and embrace the ne i reckon.
This is a truely wonderful emotion filled write!! Well done.
All the best in the contest.
Ken
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magnetic memories
they keep calling us back - to true love, first love, broken love.... beautifully written piece. Maybe we all have one of these echo loves in each of us!
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