All That's Lost

You bounced me on your knee
and I believed you were all just fun and games.
I didn't know you were subtley poisoning me.

You pulled me in til it was nearly impossible to pull away.
Underneath long sleeves (of skin) I still carry around the scars where I had to jump the chainlink fence to put some distance between you and me.

You say the tears running down your face are because I didn't call.
What was I supposed to say?
"Hi, thanks for stealing the innocence of my childhood."

So I've spent years finding ways to avoid you, making excuses why I can't dial your number. Our memories are painful to the touch, and I didn't feel like poking around them to find out if there was any forgiveness left.

But here you are, sick, death painted on your pale skin,
and I realize I have to set aside the past for a few moments to remind you that despite the unfair cycle of crap you've put me through, I still love you.

So we talk. And the cycle repeats. You tell me it's not fair that I've left all these years.
And I think to myself, this distance is the only bridge to my sanity. But I keep these thoughts inside my head. There's no sense in starting fires.

After we hang up, I shed a few quiet tears and tell myself,
it's over.