i looked at the sky tonight
just like every other night before
in this blurred stain of a moment
i looked at the sky in it's nightdom
in ten thousand shades of midnight blue
with clouds dark as a devil
trying to catch up to the brewing storm breeze
i've never seen the sky like this before
i hope i never do
because if i did
it would be like wiping ones ass
and looking at the tissue
it would all just be shit
i've been through the worst of times
and I've also been through
well
the worst of times
but tonight the death seeds are sleeping
not taking the retina's from my eyes
allowing me to see that the neighbors
have replaced the tattered blinds
with new ones
and it makes me
well
mad sad and pulling on yet another
head scarf with the colors of hippy
transgressions
the curls that remain
lie lithe and unknowing that
their fate shall be decided by
the seeds of the fruit of death
their tartness digging deep into
my brain
if i had to eat my head
i'd vomit
remy the russian
refuses to play stickball in the streets
with me anymore
he treats me as an invalid
and
i
despise
him
for
it
the cognac and cigars bring a taste of
sweat and weakness to my lips
i lie parched in the hammock
dehydrated and really not giving
a
gigantic
fuck
about
it
my words that i have written
that you have chosen to read
are the ones you will never ever
understand
my words that are yet to be written
that you choose to read are the ones
you will concretely know and
understand
one thing i wish for you all to believe in
is that love and loving someone is not a choice
but
liking someone is
i much prefer to be liked than loved
i like pound cake and rice pudding
and not much else at the moment
i don't belong here
the pages i've written are shit
they itch my goddamned neck
and if all it takes
is for the anti-christ of forums
to tell the masses
that my crowning glory
has been made weak and sparse
tell it to the holy jesus' of all jesus'
they were his words after all
dumbass
it sent black rages of an
eight year olds memories
coursing through bones that
are no longer wrapped tightly
with stories to be told
my soldier cut the
rat's nest off
with his nam knife
you silly
bitch
i'd say she won
cunt
that she is
LOL LOL LOL
to write cunt and have it be my downfall
her forked and rotting tongue
spitting death seeds down my throat
digging their roots deep within the garden of my head
their tartness like her uncontrollable need
to hurt
to demean
to lower my head unto myself
weak i was
weak
yes
the words i write
that most consider blasphemous and
un-lady like are the words
of my beginning language
my own foreign tongue
learned from wanting
to climb inside the thin walls
of a three room dwelling in brooklyn
so
long
ago
so
far
away
and sing acapella with the rats
that bit my fingers and toes
to quench the starvation
of their own blasphemy
because
creatures bruise too you know
and i'm just a creature
but anyway
this long way with words
has nothing to do with anything
that i have written above
absolutely nothing
i just wanted you all to know
that i seen a midnight sky
in a thousand shades of
midnight
rhythm
and
blues
and one last thing
i've
never
loved
any
of
you
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