Her eyes stone cold
from all the hurt,
that built up like mold
her weary rid-rimmed eyes tired
Her heart now as cold as ice
people try to help
but will anything they say suffice?
or weill her past be just the beginning?
People question
but her mouth locked
for her mind is her only sanction
will anyone ever understand her?
She wonders if the bad will chase her again?
hunting her down wherever she may be
why hasnt this been made a sin?
will anyone take the time to see the trouble she is in?
Wherever she goes, hardships follows
unable to be set free
everything in her life is just so hard to swallow
she wonders when the cloud is over her will disperse
she wanders alone
forever in the darkness
just wondering if she will ever find her home
she will search until her last breath escapes her
She questions the bad in her life
she so desperately searches for the goood
for her, nothing is right
she is saddened by all her blight
but she is so strong
she will continue on
no matter how long
she will become victorious
Author notes
my first attempt at a ballat
it took me a while
im not goood with rhyme
have u felt like this b4?
Comments
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well written oddly i find this some how depressing some one you love trobbling you? ether way this write was fassanating good work and i do hope to read more oh im sorry i am Kigi the myth of twilight -bow's-
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it doesnt ever stop hun...->
it doesnt ever stop. it seems to me that once the dark decides you are to be a part of it then that is your destiny. to know the dark you will never be able to explain to anyone; dont bother trying for your efforts will be fruitless in the end... people will be people regardless of what you wish and they will remain just outside of what you feel and know to be truth... personally i dont care about your spelling as i know the word you meant to write in every error so the important thing is that you got the message out somehow ya know!
i can relate from afar like you wouldnt believe. particularly the message in both your fifth and sixth quatrains. in the fifth you mention that wherever you go hardship follows and i feel the same way as if i am an unwilling magnet for the uncool stuff. then you follow in the sixth with wandering alone forever in the darkness and wondering if you will ever find your home...you bring me to tears here as your words strike so closely to the sentiment and sorrow that is all i have ever known.
even at the end you strike me with your seeming acknowledgement of hope "but she is strong, she will continue on..." these words echo the words i always say to those nearby "bring it on, i am a soldier, i can take it! you cant hurt me!" though truthfully it keeps bringing on and on the inside i drown in the damage i have somehow survived and ruminate alone with just the darkness as a companion.
LOL- maybe i spoke too much or not enough; not sure if you wanted such a long comment... i rate this write five stars plus a few extras and wish i knew how to band-aid your soul somehow!
so there! and peae3 to you!
-dev
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I have felt like this before. More like almost everyday of my life. It's what I like about this poem. Your voice here represents the struggle that's on the inside of you.
L8- you spelled 'will' wrong
l 28- I don't understand what you are saying here. Perhaps you could be more clear.
Overall, this was a very powerful piece. I loved it.
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