october sky-
on dark-side of the moon
Jonquils dressed for spring
Author notes
picture inspired;
http://allpoetry.com/images/ext/Contest/2461/571.jpg?1254315723
Zen Poetry
A contest entry
- Spring into Autumn haiku by Peteskid.
1400 points, ended October 6, 53 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest
your suggestions are always welcomed
Comments
1 - 11 of 11
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I looked up jonquil, and I pictures all the beautiful yellow and redish leaves. Great job.
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hi tqop-- Yes and although they look much like daffodils, there are distinctions…
Thanks for taking the time to look them up and comment on this poem.
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I get an image of looking at the sky through the branches of the bush, and the limbs superimposed over the moon in addition to the idea of spring in the southern hemisphere where the budding and shedding are opposite. One possible edit is "under" rather than "on"... A very thoughtful haiku, resonant then to me on at least two levels, well done. Thank you for this fine entry into the contest and best of luck in the judging, welcome to the finals...PK
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Hi PK I wrote this poem when you opened the contest and it sat on my scratch pad for a week… I beat myself up over the middle line….at first it was
Dark-side of the moon
Then beyond, under, Over, On? And as with all my haiku-senryu… I re-read them and refine them… truthfully I’m leaning toward the original
october sky-
dark-side of the moon <----(more in the moment)
Jonquils… dressed for spring
What do you think? Or anyone else, that reads this thinks
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I have read it twice more and i think the way it is posted is better than the previous or new suggestions...because it has the feeling of someone in the northern hemisphere, like us, looking at the autumn sky, knowing that on the other side of the equator spring signs are popping up, and for me that is the charm and the resonance of the piece...so that's my 2 cents...
I will look at it again before the final judging see if you made any changes...PK
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yes you see why I posted it with on'...being in this place and knowing somewhere on the other side...spring
lol...I let it simmer somemore...
thanks
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I love autum it's the best time of year...leaves fall to the ground as the color fades and dies out, soon halloween, then the the great day to be thankful for and soon winter will come...to make way for the rebirth of spring
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yes something special about autumn...last night when I was driving home on the parkway from atlantic city...I notice the bright moon and below it the very bright star...it was closer to earth then the moon...as if I could reach out and touch this star...I was dazzled by this all the way home...I expect ill write a haiku about this night before long
as always, thanks
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I bet it was lovely
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so lovely! i love how you looked at the larger image and saw the jonquils - beautiful Mal, best of luck with this.
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on the other side of the world 'it's spring'
thanks tara
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