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I just want to be me.

 

 

And you’ve done it again.

Your words are cold, stinging my flesh and sinking into my

heart. They melt away my life, leaving me breathless and

empty. Sometimes I start to think that maybe you don’t

know what you do to me but it quickly goes away the

moment you look at me.

  You don’t care.

I’m tangled up in disaster, drowning in misery, and trying to

hold onto sanity. You drain everything out of me, leaving me

without even an ounce of hope. Confusion swims through my

veins silently suffocating me. I’m choking for air, fighting to

survive, but I cant when I’ve lost every part of me.

Your words haunt me at night. Whispering in my ear “you’re

never good enough” as I attempt to fight the voices telling me

it doesn’t matter if I’m alive because you said it’d be better if I

died. Your face lingers in my head as your sleepless eyes look

into my soul. They tell me that you hate me; I’m worthless and

not wanted anymore.

And did you know;
    I’m sorry.

Sometimes, I don’t want to be what everyone wants me to be.

I’m sorry that everything you saw in me has crumbled to the

ground and I’m no longer the person you thought I’d be. I’m

sorry that I’m not the perfect little girl that I used to be.

Sometimes, I just want to be me.

Author notes

I can't stand my mother.

be as honest as possible

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Comments

1 - 11 of 11

  • Hope Angel silver member
    September 30

    Edit | Reply
    I like the image of melting life away. It's kind of like a body bubbling down into a pool and then the soul poofing.

    I understand this. I'm sorry.

    I know that you don't like it when I say this but you're the only person who has control over you. And you are the only person that allows something to bother you. No one can make you mad or sad, that's your choice. "No one can make you feel inferior without your consent."~Eleanor Roosevelt
    If you say that you can't, then you most likely won't be able to. If you say that you can at least you are automatically trying hard. If you say you can't it's just like giving up before you even start because you don't put everything into it. It's all in how you think.

    I don't want you to be anything but you.
    I love you.


  • Bev Hilderman gold member
    September 30
    Edit | Reply
    Oh yes and the poem is one of the best personal writes I have read.
    You really put your self out there, you have conveyed such deep feeling
    I admire your talent to do so .Very well done

  • Bev Hilderman gold member
    September 30

    Edit | Reply

    Oh sweet girl if I could only take you in my arms and hold you. I weep tear for you as very thought that you have written has filled my mind so many times.
    I'm sure you are worthy of so much more respect. No one is perfect, no one at all not even the ones that think we should be. I truly feel your pain. Please know that you need to live for you, we con't make every one happy......and most of the time we are trying to please the wrong person. It is sad to have someone treat you that way. BUT it is you that you should care about. You said you can't stand your mother........well we can't change who are mothers are they are who they are,  But you don't have to let her have so much power over you. Try to respect her.
    BUT LOVE YOUR SELF

    Your Stars Are Shining hun

    • my.stars.dont.shine
      October 1
      Edit | Reply
      You're comment just lifted my spirit. Thank you so much for taking the time to read and leave just a lovely comment. It means a lot. Thanks.


  • runforrestrun
    September 30

    Edit | Reply
    wow,
    this was heartbreaking.

    i especially loved this part;

    Your words haunt me at night. Whispering in my ear “you’re
    never good enough” as I attempt to fight the voices telling me
    it doesn’t matter if I’m alive because you said it’d be better if I
    died. Your face lingers in my head as your sleepless eyes look
    into my soul. They tell me that you hate me; I’m worthless and
    not wanted anymore.

    i feel like this a lot, it speaks to me
    i love how you write, and i hope things get better for you.


  • Never-Better25
    September 30

    Edit | Reply

    WOW!!!!

    You have reached deep from within your pain and suffering to pull out a piece of your wounded soul and stitch it here for us to see the you you want to be. I believe many people will be able to relate to this. Thank you for sharing. I absolutely love these lines:

    I’m tangled up in disaster, drowning in misery, and trying to
    hold onto sanity. You drain everything out of me, leaving me
    without even an ounce of hope. Confusion swims through my
    veins silently suffocating me. I’m choking for air, fighting to
    survive, but I cant when I’ve lost every part of me.

    They speak to me. Again, thank you for this amazing write!

  • superkXXX
    September 30

    Edit | Reply
    I know how it feels to have that happen to you. I can't explain it but the pain is great. It is hard to keep living, but i must because i promissed someone I would not leave this world for a long time.

    • my.stars.dont.shine
      September 30
      Edit | Reply
      You are exactly right. It is hard to keep living and Im living for the same reason. I made promises that I intend to keep. There are people that want and need me, I just have to try and not focus on my mother not.

1 - 11 of 11