i cant replace this feelings

dad i hate u
i hate everything about u
i can change it but u made it this way
u make feel shamed that ur my dad
what u did to me i cant just forgive u
i tried so manytimes to think of one good thing that can change my feelings
but i remember is ur hate for me ur rejection for me
i remember how destroyed my dreams my hopes my life my heart
u took them both my heart and my mind nothing left for me to offer im so sorry dad
as for u mum thank u for hurting me so much
thanks for ur big hate for me
thanks for not taking care of me
thanks for making me feel like im ur sin
im sorry i make u feel shame
everytime u try to hide me from people
makes me feel like im a killing monster
im tired mum im really tired can u just hold me in ur arms
and run ur hands in my head n tell me everything is okay ur my daughter ill protect u
can u make feel lil human can u just love me ? i love u mum i cant hate u but u make it hard
to accept my existences as a person and i hate that feeling so much
i dead inside i dont even remember when was my last time smiling
i know im stuck in this and i have no way out but mum dad
i only prey just to ask god to grand ur wish (me dead) amen.......