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haiku, using a directly seasonal word 2


 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
under the birch  
an autumn crocus
defying change
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 

Author notes

no copy kept

In a list

A contest entry

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Comments

1 - 12 of 12

  • Malabu
    October 8

    Edit | Reply
    lovely image and thought... your short haiku are excellent
    I love what you've expressed here
    Mal


  • AliceinWonderpants
    October 8

    Edit | Reply
    wow you are very talented!
    beautiful write!!

    best wishes
    Alice
    X


  • Dalaney gold member
    October 7

    Edit | Reply
    there is nothing you can't write to perfection, my friend. Nothing.


    L


    • Mairi bheag gold member
      October 8
      Edit | Reply
      Actually there is a hell of a lot. Currently I am engaging in writing-avoidance activity, pretending I'm still creative, when I'm not. But thank you k-c.

      M


  • Keith
    October 1
    Edit | Reply
    I can see it. That's good enough for me.


  • IronMaiden1236
    September 30

    Edit | Reply

    Can't help it...

    I love it, I know you think it's crap....it's beautiful crap!

    • Mairi bheag gold member
      September 30
      Edit | Reply
      Of course it's beautiful crap - I wrote it! What else could it be?


  • Cannonsfire
    September 30

    Edit | Reply
    ditto to my other comment!


  • Peteskid gold member
    September 29

    Edit | Reply
    Very nice, now that didn't hurt too much did it? a direct season word and really the unavoidable kind, in the name of something pertinent to the image you have captured so very well. Without the season word

    under the birch -
    a red crocus
    among yellow leaves

    I think it becomes a little less clear and distinct, not as good as this little seasonal surprise. Thank you for this fine entry into the contest and best of luck in the judging, and welcome to the finals...PK


    • Mairi bheag gold member
      September 30
      Edit | Reply
      It's a piece of cr*p dashed off at 3am so that it wouldn't rattle round my head and keep me awake (didn't work, by the way).

      The fading of clarity and distinctness is deliberate, due to the haiku convention of using words with more than one meaning - or rather, in this case, words which can impart a different meaning by being used as different parts of speech. This is part-and-parcel of the art of haiku, and goes towards the conveying of mood.

      My criticism of your re-draft is that it is straightforward description; but the simplicity of the primary colours is appealing. By the way, in the UK autumn crocuses are pale purple.

1 - 12 of 12