scream

and i've gone and lost track of time again.  seeing your face and looking in your eyes one more time. you had me memorized even thought you followed her with a puppy like quality.

your whole demeanor changed the moment i graced that parking lot.



and i knew i'd been lost before i saw you again. the way you smelled when you brushed past me. the way your voice rang back to me with my name. the tears that immediately started to well when i knew it was you. you used to be everything and nothing at all to me. how casual you can be, when i still love you more than anything i've ever loved. how you couldn't tell how bruised my heart still is.

sitting there some kind of comfortable casual, sucking away on that cigarette.


"don't you know those will be the death of you sugar?"



just
like
you
were
the
death
of
me



you looked something awful. that sadness had finally gotten to you. i miss your arms. the way you used to look at me. how your kisses seemed to make my life feel so much better than it really was. the way your wore your clothes. the way you'd kiss my eyes and the tip of my nose when i would leave. all the things you won't ever remember about me.



this autumn feels bitter.



and i'm without you. and you couldn't care less. i wasn't ever important to you. you fill me with a doubt that anyone could ever love me. that something is terrible about me. i'm unlovable.


but then you gave me hope. that i could find something that amazing in someone. that i could love someone unconditionally, without any boundries. that i could be completely happy with someone. not care what their past was or what their future would be.


all that mattered was that you were mine.