Are you sure I'm alive? Cause I feel like I'm dead. I've got
jumbled words, Floating round in my head. Does this make
any sense? I don't understand. Why does my life, feel so
bland? Even I like the feel, of a razor sometimes. When I
see that my life, is nothing but rhymes. And why can't
I see?? Oh, I'm blinded by tears. Same ones I've been holdin',
in my heart all these years. I look at life, and everything is dumb,
Like wrestlers are just men, jacking off with their thumbs. Happiness
is just pretending, that you're not depressed. Vacations are for
acting, like you're not stressed. Where acting is faking, you're not
faking at all. And jumping is hiding, the fact that you fall.
I want to fall, I don't want to run. I want to taste the
inside of this gun. I know that I'm stressed, and I guess it's okay.
I know I can't find, the right words to say. I know if you read this
You'll think I'm insane. Perhaps it's because, I can't read my own
brain. You think you can fix me? Give it a try, Cause maybe then
I can stop wandering and wondering why.
Author notes
I dont understand whats going on in my head
A contest entry
- A tribute to Edgar Allen Poe by Symphony.of.Silence.
1100 points, ended October 12, 19 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest - After That I Was Never The Same by Budart.
1500 points, ended October 14, 38 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest - prewrites contest!!!!!!!!!!!! enter!!!!! by foreveryourslove.
1120 points, ended November 9, 1063 entries
• next poem in this contest, • Add to finalists list, or remove from contest - Make Me Cry by Scene Queen----.
400 points, ended November 7, 62 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest
If you were a sock puppet, what color would your goggly eyes be?? Oh and revisions too please?
Comments
1 - 11 of 11
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Interesting poem, the rhyme was well done and it flowed nicely. I don't see how it fits as a tribute to Poe but I can see how it fits with some of his works. Good luck in the contest fellow poet!
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Good Job
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My apologies in advance. This poem describes a condition you are in but doesn't say much about how you got there. What happened that put you in this state of mind?
If you are sincerely contemplating suicide the rhyming and meter produce a sing song quality that leads me to not take you seriously. If you are being ironic than yes it comes off as creepy and insane, a nursery rhyme for the suicidally insane. The Adams Family kids would love it. I am not sure what your intention was. -
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No no love no apologies necessary.
in the past 6 months, My boyfriend dumped me, *hah and I thought i was in love* My close friend of 6 years was killed at age 17. My little brother became some freak I dont even know anymore, my older brother told me the other day that I was too *effed* up to be fixed and my parents are divorcing.
Although it would be nice to just commit suicide and be free from this bull crap, it's against my religion, so I cant. I don't want to have a crappy life and then go to hell too.
I'm not entirely sure what my intention was either. I think it was just a way to try to get out what is going through my head. My older brother kept asking me, "whats on your mind sweetheart", and I had recently discovered that I cant even comprehend my own thoughts, This was TOTALLY and completely just finally writing everything as it popped into my head, as it popped into it.
I'm sorry if it upset you but this is my emotion in raw form right now -
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Hey girly! I know how you feel.... maybe not about the boyfriend part... but about your siblings and your parents divorcing and people you care about being killed.... so I know it's not a lot but you know im here to listen if you want to talk about it
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wow... there are so many words to describe how amazing this is but none of them could ever do it justice.
I love, love your train of thought, love how amazing this is
Thank you!
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can't say enough
a great piece here
enjoyed every line
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"I want to taste the
inside of this gun."
Brilliant writing!
This write is great!
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Ohh, this is so painful and powerful.
Sometimes I've felt that the commas in sentences were a bit unnecessary, for example, in the lines:
"Why does my life, feel so
bland? Even I like the feel, of a razor sometimes."
I can understand why you would want to disrupt the flow using punctuation in this way, to possibly reflect your thought patterns, but personally, it irked me.
"Happiness
is just pretending, that your not depressed."
~ "you" should be "you're"
~ alternatively, this could be "you aren't"
"Where acting is faking, your not
faking at all."
~ as above
"I dont want to run."
~ don't
"I know that I'm stressed, and I guess its okay."
~ it's
"I know I cant find, the right words to say."
"I cant read my own"
~ can't
Well written, best of luck to you in the contest
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Stand Tall, Fight
This was an awesome piece of heart felt work. You accidently typed "can", "gan" in the second to last line. The tortured mind of an artist. Understandment takes time, each day little pieces of information guide you to the answers. You must look though, they are there. I've had many conversations about actors simply being able to fake it, instead of acting, like society has beome mindless to trickery yet no one knows. It happens in life. Happiness is not in life, it is in yourself. Though, mentally challenging, you can find true happiness within yourself, while others use and abuse you, your reaction must be in a way for yourself. It is there you find good and evil. Good, though selfish, helps you and others, Evil helps you and hurts others. It is here where neutrality is found, Selfishness is niether good or evil. Let your tears flow. Maybe where no one knows. It releases natural dopamines. Stand tall, and fight the flight. It is up to you how you fight, whether mentally or physically.
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Gosh, I can relate. I'm so sorry, it hurts to feel this way.
Keep writing
x
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