Bottled Up

Unfortunately I grew up in a generation
where it's almost natural not to have you in the picture,
(you became victim to the statstics),
So please excuse me if I don't seem sadened by your absence...
Or accepting of your presence,
Though I've longed for the day
that you would scold me for staying up til dawn,
Forbid me to date every guy I thought I loved,
or dance on your feet again like we did when I was one,
I maintained...but only through the
strength of her voice, her direction, her love, and affection,
Yes I would have loved to run to your arms
when he called me a bitch,
Or when he said he loved me but hit it and split,
There's nothing like the security of a father....
(I managed to make my own shield)
Of course I would have loved for you to embarass me
at school kissing me on my cheek,
Or playing a practical joke on mom while she was asleep,
breaking me up from a fight because she
thought I was too prissy,
I searched for you but came up empty,
So I looked for you in others...
Comfort from Dave, authority from John,
love from James, and inspiration from Chuck,
Left vulnerable when realized they were only
a substitute for your touch....
Yet and still I've learned Life's lessons achieved it's success,
Proud without your blessing,
And still I lacked one lesson...
Forgiveness,
I keep these feelings locked in like a closed bottle...
waiting to be released,
Beware of the overflow once I'm opened