how I think about myself

what's your name?
Cassidy Martin.

how old are you?
17.

where do you rest your head?
When I am lucky, in the nook of muscle between the pec and collarbone of my lover.

do you believe in ghosts?
Yes. I can't seem to believe in anything else, but my experiences make me believe in ghosts. I've had way too many odd encounters with spiritual energy.

do you think death penalty is worse than a life in jail?
I am undecided on this issue.

do you ever hurt people on purpose?
Yes, but I feel bad while I am doing it.

do you lie to yourself?
I think so, yes, but I probably lie about the fact that I am lying to myself.

what's your biggest fear?
Old age; death. Yes, I am cliche.

how would you describe a poet?
Irrational.

would you call yourself a poet?
Yep.

do you have any siblings?
A brother, sister, and half-brother. Also, an ex-step-brother and ex-step-sister that I still consider family for the most part. For a while my household was really crowded and bad, and I have a lot of awful memories from it.

what's your family life like?
Full of guilt, arguments, and self-righteousness.

who're your favorite five poets on the site and why?
Ok, I have edited this answer five times. My final answer is, go look at my favorites list. I love a lot of people on here.

do you believe in heaven?
Permanence is a concept my mind cannot accept; no

do you think animals could be taught to comprehend anything humans do?
Most likely not... although I have this new fantasy about millions of years from now cockroaches (immune to radiation) evolving into creatures similar to Gregor Samsa from The Metamorphosis by Franz Kafka and uncovering old human relics.

what do you think love is?
Abandoning yourself to the susceptibililty of another person holding your soul in their hands.

do you drink?
Rarely enough that I allow myself to answer no.

what's one thing that makes you happy?
Abandoning myself to the susceptibility of him holding my soul in his hands.

is there anything that means more to you than poetry?
Food, education, love and all the goodies that come with it.

what's your favorite poem on this site?
(links appreciated.)
I don't like 'favorite' questions! >:[

where do you want to live in the future?
I'd be happy wherever, ask me this in a year when I'm in college somewhere else.

how would you describe yourself?
Searching. Sometimes quietly, other times loudly, sometimes alone, other times in company, sometimes happy, other times sad. Always searching for answers to questions I haven't asked.

what are your favorite three songs at the moment?
More "favorite" questions... yucky but I'll try.
Paranoid Android- Radiohead
Weather Report Suite- Grateful Dead
Moonshadow- Cat Stevens

do you have a best friend?
As terribly clingy as it sounds, my boyfriend is my best friend.
My brother is my second best friend; my neighbor, my third.

would you say you're more reckless and impulsive or logical and organized?
Somewhere in the middle. I generally need the space around me to be clean, but I do everything sporadically and in binges.

tell me something about yourself i don't already know.
My intelligence is frequently underestimated.

tell me something about myself i don't already know.
At this moment there are millions of neurons firing inside your brain and nervous system. You probably already knew that, but I thought I'd remind you.

what movies make you cry?
I know there are several, but I can't think of them, because I usually try to stop myself from crying while I am around other people, and I never watch movies alone.

how about songs?
I cry every time I hear "I Will Follow You Into the Dark" by Death Cab for Cutie. This is also because, the first time I heard it, I was in an extremely emotional situation. I put the song on repeat for over an hour and continually cried. From then on, I have only permitted myself to listen to the song while I am sad. I don't want to ruin the impact the song has on me by listening to it while I am happy or neutral.

why do you lie?
Because I am afraid of the consequences of telling the truth.

do you believe in god?
I dabble in Buddhism but am largely agnostic with a belief that there is something out there with more power than I can possibly recognize.

do you believe in aliens?
I don't know, sure, it's not something that particularly interests (or bothers) me.

did you think poetically as a child at all?
Not until my parents divorced, because prior to that, my emotions were joyful for the most part, and the realization of sadness and despair is an inextricable part of poetry. I was 10 before I gave any thought to abstract concepts. Then, it started, slowly.

if you were on the streets and passed yourself, what would your outward opinion be?
I couldn't tell you if I tried. I can't even conjure a picture in my mind of what my face looks like. For the most part, I cannot recall images, only recognize them when they appear again.

any bad habits?
Yep.

what's something people always think about you based on first impressions that surprises you?
I don't think people get a consistent first impression of me. Certainly, I'm not always in the same mood or the same mindset when I meet new people.

would you rather be in a relationship with a poet or someone who doesn't know you write?
I couldn't feel satisfied in a relationship with someone who didn't know I write, since it is an integral aspect of my personality.

who's someone you wouldn't let read your writing?
I do not let my parents read my writing.

why not?
It is deeply rooted in my subconscious mind that my parents will offer nothing but criticism; also, I write about sex way too much.

are you addicted to anything?
Ice cream. I crave it almost constantly, sometimes eating it three times a day.

why do you write? honestly.
It makes me feel important.

what's a fairly common food item you won't eat?
Ham, turkey, salmon, mustard, bologna, mayonnaise, actually, pretty much anything you'd find in a sandwich shop. I'm a picky eater :/

favorite TV show?
Fringe.

would you say you're more passionate or indifferent?
My personality shifts a lot depending on the situation I am in, but I'd say passionate.

what do you want to do with the next five years of your life?
College, write a book, I don't know.

what's your most recent regret?
I wore flip flops while taking stuff to the dump yesterday. Yeah.

do you think everyone should be happy?
I think everyone should have the RIGHT to be happy. Or unhappy, as they choose.

do you think some people aren't made to be?
I hate to answer this question, because this reminds me of my childhood best friend, who has encountered so many hardships that, if there is a God, he does not like her.

what's your favorite animal?
I like animals in general, but in particular, bears, cougars, foxes, and birds.

would you ever make a drastic physical appearance change?
Maybe.

are you self conscious about your appearance?
Yea.

what are you most confident in?
Love.

how about least?
The future.

have you ever been in love?
Undoubtedly yes.

what do you think about celebrities?
Mostly, they get undue attention.

give me five random facts.

i. The smell of pickles makes my stomach queasy.
ii. I have a social idiosyncracy where, if I feel like someone is more important than me, I can't come up with any conversation. Zero.
iii. I am terrified of my boyfriend/brother being drafted into a war.
iv. I can't tell you why I punctuated/capitalized everything properly here, as I usually wouldn't.
v. I'm listening to Christina Aguilera's first album right now. Hell yes.