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Manchester's petalled moon.

in the off-white tang of
fresh rain;
with the  
dry point of a sunken needle-

manchester's moon,
stained in
the forlorn amber
of old wine-
embroiders the night;


it is a cavalcade of tones
of abstract charcoal lattices,
of thick green birth
and ciliated browns,
dancing to the
free will melody
of a brackish wind






~~

my friend who sits beside me
in speckled silence
touches my arm-
she needs me to see
past the thirst-ridden Spathodia
to the clouds; east
where little sun's
naked skin,
brushes against the horizon





i search for words
that will claim the moment
before it crawls back,
broken
into the womb of indifference--
where often i have lost them.

but just now,
soft finger's spill into mine
locks dangle daintily

from my chest

our eyes both dance to the

quavered thrum
of whispered heartbeats;

the sky opens-




and this time
we both know...


Author notes

my first in several months. I will revise it later, just glad something came out

A contest entry

Please tell me what you think

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    Comment Suggestion: What is your your first impression?
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Comments

1 - 16 of 16

  • Keith Drew gold member
    November 15

    Edit | Reply
    In this you say that you search for words?
    You have no need to search, you have the gift A.J I keep telling you so.
    This is beautifully woven and as always you weave your words so well.
    I have a new favorite word now Spathodia, the African flame tree.
    That in itself must be as poetry to look upon.
    Keep writing and get published please!


  • just mercedes gold member
    October 17

    Edit | Reply
    This is strong and lovely, the sensual and spiritual are both given range, and the particular time and place is somehow universal too. I liked particularly 'she needs me to see
    past the thirst-ridden Spathodia
    to the clouds; east
    where little sun's
    naked skin,
    brushes against the horizon'

    I love flame trees, and enjoyed what for me became a personification of the male power of the sun, the regenerative principle. I envied the couple in the poem - very potent words!

    Congratulations on the gold trophy.


  • Edie gold member
    October 15

    Edit | Reply
    What a strong and emotive write. It has a wonderfully soft and smooth flow to it

    standout lines for me were:


    "the off-white tang of rain"

    "the forlorn amber of old wine"

    "charcoal lattices of thick green birth"


    Very gold worthy indeed!


  • Princess Perdue gold member
    September 28

    Edit | Reply
    Wonderful to see you back writing and delivering the same brilliant quality work. You've been away too long!...glad you're back on track Aj. That beautiful velvet still remains in each word you write.

    Shaz xx


  • Naridill
    September 28

    Edit | Reply
    wow~! You definitely came back with a bang, friend. Your words, as always, are mesmerizing and I really do hope the pieces keep flowing. Til then, peace


  • Mairi bheag gold member
    September 28
    Edit | Reply
    Nice to see you back with the words flowing, AJ.


  • Mallig gold member
    September 27

    Edit | Reply
    Congratulations on breaking through the "wall." This is lovely and amazing, no rust on you!

  • Rowan gold member
    September 27
    Edit | Reply
    So am I. This is beautiful. Loved those first three stanzas.


  • Allyce May gold member
    September 27

    Edit | Reply
    Wooowwwwwww You're back!! *does a little dance* lol

    It is SUCH a crying shame that you don't write more often when you're so good at it. What can I say other than this is beautiful? The way you have interlaced love and beauty with natural phenomena is breathtaking.

    Yes, we can still have a cook off! Hopefully I will learn something from you because I am not the most creative cook, lol - I'm about to send you the list


  • Never Fall in Love
    September 27
    Edit | Reply


  • Laura Lamarca gold member
    September 27

    Edit | Reply
    L1 "in an off-white tang of" - it takes away the repetition of "the" in that opening stanza.

    L15 "freewill" or "free-will" - i just think it reads better that way. Separately, i think the words lend a somewhat harsher tone that isn't intended.

    L32-35:

    "but just now,
    soft finger's spill into mine
    locks dangle daintily
    from my chest" - beautiful phrasing there.

    L36 - L38 "and our eyes dance to
    quavered thrums
    of whispered heartbeats;"

    a lovely ending too.

    My suggestions are just nit-picks (personal opinions) and you are liberty to discard them if you so wish. It's truly great to see you writing again...i've missed reading you.


    ily.


    laura.

    • lilAj
      September 27
      Edit | Reply
      oh Laur, your comments and suggestions are always welcome. thanks alot

      • Keith Drew gold member
        November 15
        Edit | Reply
        Why does Lauras comment sound as though the pupil is teaching the master?

1 - 16 of 16