Ditch the ads, upload images and much more - upgrade today from 5.95/month!
Read • Contests • Groups • Learn • Forums • Store • Help
 

if

 

 


my steps are full of feet
lips wine kisses
scene
not heard

come

and meet lust
re shake its hand
a warm hand cupped
wet
with morning in it

follow me
down a wisty twindey road
simple logic
and little clicks
moan birds sing
all day
watch the hot wave cur
l and break red calm

as
  indian summer

i am in love with high
not-seeing places
out of me unworthy
and unknown these
be

you must (touch me) stop
not the old melodious lay

ers from song-dreams for
ever gone
the hand that wave
rs, don't go back

don't

that year
your beautiful hair
now that I have coo
led to you
(per
haps)

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 




if
İcrisstiena

Author notes

She Being Brand New ~ e.e. cummings

Please use it as your inspiration

http://www.poemhunter.com/best-poems/ee-cummings/she-being-brand/

I want you to write me a poem in this style...so that it has a connotation of erotica...while actually being about something completely different

image by ~ pupasoul@deviantART.com

In a list

A contest entry

critical reviews welcome, but BE NICE

    I plan to revise this poem: please leave constructive criticism!
    : , Your review:

    Comment Suggestion: What is your your first impression?
    • Line numbers  • Invite them to read
    : no Cost: 0 free left 0 points, You have (?)

Comments

1 - 14 of 14

  • Spectre of Serenity
    October 5

    Edit | Reply
    well i have only read two of cummings poems , but i loved the one 'i have found what you are like'
    that breakin up of words was something new to me , but personally i think just loved a poem
    art is, where you try to be be creative ,and i will really like to be to try these styles
    thanks a lot
    and best of luck for the contest


  • Roy Flynn silver member
    October 3

    Edit | Reply
    Cummings would be proud i think. This style of poetry is very difficult to pull off well, and you totally did it. Like really, wow!

    "i am in love with high
    not-seeing places
    out of me unworthy
    and unknown these
    be"

    Something about this stanza just really stuck out. In the best way

    Just an amazing job, you deserve to do great in the contest and i would really like to read more from you. Much love


  • Night Hope gold member
    October 2
    Edit | Reply



    Ahhh, well. At least WE know.




  • KKpanthea821
    September 30

    Edit | Reply
    I'm new to Cummings poetry, but I think that you used the prompt very well. It has a major Cummings feel to it, and yet a very obvious originality to it. It's something I haven't seen many people pull off. Great word choice, love the picture, love the formating. Amazing job!


  • Oh.My.Juliet
    September 28

    Edit | Reply
    Lip wine kisses <-------- WOW, what a phrase! How did you come up with something so creative?! I'm Jealous!

    Keep writing!

    x


  • smitaanand
    September 28

    Edit | Reply
    You might laugh at my naivete but I have never read Cummings poetry and I had to read it a number of times to grasp its meaning.But honestly I loved it, thanks for sharing this on AP...


  • Sonja
    September 28

    Edit | Reply
    I like Cummings poetry even sometimes it looks a bit confusing, but this is only me. I think that you have done a great job with this one. I never will dare to do it this way.


  • Immortal Obscurity gold member
    September 27

    Edit | Reply

    I'm not sure whether or not the odd formatting (words like layers and cooled being broken-up into separate lines, for example) was intentional; same with the misspelling of scene in stanza 1; but it worked here.

     

    My favourite parts in the whole things were this one:

     

    "you must (touch me) stop
    not the old melodious lay

    ers from song-dreams for
    ever gone..."

     

    And this one:

     

    "watch the hot wave cur
    l and break red     calm

    as
      indian summer"

     

    Gorgeous imagery.

     

    I clicked because I saw your name, and I know I've loved your work in the past. I'm glad to see that this did not disappoint. Well done, and good luck in that contest of yours.

     

    Best wishes,

     

    L.


    • crisstiena
      September 28
      Edit | Reply
      Firstly, I want to say thank you for taking the time to comment
      Secondly, yes, those things were intentional. I have read a lot of e.e. cummings and I think if you look up some of his work, you will see that he uses this unusual style of writing a lot. Personally, I have never attempted to write like him, but I did enjoy this challenge. Whether the contest host feels I did a good job remains to be seen!

      ~ crisstiena ♥


  • stef-witt gold member
    September 27

    Edit | Reply
    This is really interesting and fantasticly written. Not too familiar with the style, but I really enjoy reading something different! I especially loved the second stanza. Thanks for sharing this wonderful write!!


  • Raining Kisses silver member
    September 27

    Edit | Reply
    this isavery verynice piece of art
    thankyou
    T

  • tara wilson gold member
    September 27

    Edit | Reply
    i love this style of poetry, and this is such an exceptional example of it...i love how you curled the wave with the line and word break, beautiful, beautiful poetry! i love the title...

  • Rowan gold member
    September 27

    Edit | Reply
    I had to come back to this, after i had more caffeine in my system, lol.
    What can I say, this was superb, you went where you needed to go with this prompt. Well done.

  • Night Hope gold member
    September 27

    Edit | Reply

    This is a tenderly, splendorly slice of cummings-flavoured pie, my Friend. So tasty, so many crumbs of crust to adore. I loved how you broke some of the more significant words to enjamb with & alter the meaning of the next line, just as he did in so many of his fine pieces. I think you responded to the prompt admirably, Sweetie. Good luck in the contest, Scribe.



1 - 14 of 14