She was captivating. A gracious soul, feminine and radiant in a subtle way. Her jewelry matched this splendor of spirit. I often dream of gems and of gold, for I value things and situations for their emotional and spiritual purification, striving for perfection.
Then there was this boy, still young. He was simply there, as if he belonged to the moment forever.
She approached me, put her necklace around my neck and earrings on my ears. She whispered: Take these ... they are yours.
A glass platter held shimmering, small diamonds -- tiny, but perfectly cut. She concluded: But, I shall take the diamonds with me.
While she spoke, the boy slipped worthless stones in between the diamonds. Now I faced a great dilemma: must I protect him, or must I tell her the truth?
I decided to protect him ... but I was very, very sad, for I knew she had known since the beginning of time. And when she turned to take the diamonds -- all made worthless by the added fakes -- she looked at me and her eyes said, without any blame:
You know the truth.
My eyes pleaded with her: I simply cannot expose him.
Then she asked me to display those diamonds, turned to worthless debris, on a table with a glass top. I knew it had no value, so I could not. I sat down in the dirt -- earthly, mortal flesh -- degrading myself to the level of pebbles, spread out: dust to dust. The mourning of my very soul let its tears pour over the wretched pebbles ... Then a wondrous thing happened: the pebbles, wet, were transformed to diamonds again!
In every hour of agony, the path is steep and one has to meet up with turns in the road. If one does not travel at the exact right angle and speed, one would never get around the bend, for it is sharp and life-threatening. One either goes over the side ... or up. And spiritual elevation is always up.
By mourning the dust, I was elevated ... and by my elevation, the boy was too.
She gave the diamonds to the boy.
Author notes
m y r a t a a l
PROSE
PROMPT: 3. The End's Beginning
In a list
A contest entry
- Starting Line Invitational #1 (Invite Only) by sideways hourglass.
600 points, ended November 9, 6 entries
Silver trophy winner
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest
Comments
1 - 15 of 15
-
87
first impression: 15/20
Profound level: 17/20
Use of poetic device: 18/20
cohesiveness: 20/20
Last Impression: 17/20
Total score: 87/100
-
-
Thank you for the Silver in your contest.
-
-
90
first impression: 17/20
Profound level: 18/20
Use of poetic device: 17/20
cohesiveness: 20/20
Last Impression: 18/20
Total score: 90/100
-
-
Thank you so much for hosting this contest ...
and for the Silver trophy. I loved to enter.
-
-
Wonderfully penned!
What a wonderful fable..
You have brought, emotion, imagery and truth to the page...Thanks so much for sharing!
Best wishes in the contest and always!
Write on and on...and on!
and
-
Poet
interesting story with a strong message. Do we dare to teach and in doing so make our little world brighter?
-
3RD person omniscient should not inject themselves into the story...It's confusing and breaks the rules of the macrocosm...it's easy to do the right thing when you know the whole story...
This is more a fantasy than a parable....I suspect.
I'm willing to admit I'm wrong. I do it more often than I'd like. I have to or I'd never learn anything. -
-
Thank you, Wayne, for taking the time to comment ...
and to say your part. Lol Of course we differ and we may. Did you ever see me as conventional?
And, I must say: I am surprised that you restrict someone by any "rules" ...
-
-
I always admire and am often surprised by your creative intellect.
-
-
-
Editing suggestions by request:
L2 "She displayed lovely jewelry."
i think that line can be developed into something more, i feel it to be somewhat redundant as is now. Maybe a little more imagery there, like
"she wore sapphires as whims and diamonds to dazzle. You see, I often dream of glitter or gold, for I value things..."
I like the assonance of the "tion" words in that paragraph...they pull it together nicely.
L8, the way you've used the ellipse is the same way they use them on legal documentation...the poetic way is as so:
"Take these...they are yours" - we use it in this way, directly next to the text at either side, to indicate to the reader that it is a continuation of thought/words, rather than 2 seperate thoughts/words that are sharing the same line to save space. We wish only for a pause in breath and not a full stop, thought-process and then re-start.
L9 "At her side was a beautiful platter of glass," - taking out some of the filler words here leaves a much more concise description.
L26 "In the hour of agony, the path is steep and one has to know the turn in the road." -
"the" has been used excessively here, so much so that it drew my eyes to distraction. Some re-phrasing here would keep the same meanings, emotions etc. yet make the imagery & description itself more solid & accessible to your audience. "one" has also been used to excess in that paragraph - there are many ways to say the same things without the need for repetition in such close proximity.
You may notice that i have only critiqued you technically...i judge poetry, yet never the poet. Hope i was of some help to you. 
laura.
-
-
Thank you Laura ...
for the suggestions. I shall try to improve the text, BUT: allow me to differ about the ellipsis ... Technically, there IS a space before and after that. It is not a space like a period, but only a ponderous pause. I am sure you would not worry too much about this visual technicality.
As for the rest, I shall endeavor to put some glitter in those lines ...
-
-
Wow...you tell stories as if we are experiencing them...profound, the whole concept, what was worthy became worthless yet being spiritual, it was a heart torn, but then God comes along and what was bad is turned around for the good and for that we are humbled. Excellet. BLessings.
-
"I went to sat on the ground -- earthly, mortal flesh -- degrading myself to the level of the pebbles, spread out: worthless dust."
"sat" should be "sit"
In the next sentence...
"unto" should be "onto" - right?
While your intentions may have been different when it came to the meaning of the diamonds/jewelry, I perceived them to represent spirituality, integrity, and purity - and honesty too. It's as if we are striving for those things, yet ironically you have compared those things to a materialistic item. The boy slipping worthless stones symbolizes sin - a bad decision -
I don't know Myra, my mind works in imaginative ways.
Either way, I really like this. The story you told not only teaches a lesson, but also reveals your ideals and values as a person. And I like reading things like this - where it's like you're getting to know the author a little. You have a strong voice in your writing and it is a pleasure to read.
-
-
Ah thank you ...
for picking up the grammar. I changed the sentences slightly.
Actually this was a real dream. For me it symbolizes all you said in your comment and of course, the treacherous heart wants to hide and wants to not confront BUT: reality IS: all lies are open, and by not being judgmental, the forgiveness of the lie, KNOWN to the Supreme, and the mourning of the lie, turned the pebbles to diamonds again.
Without being philosophical, logic tells me that a lie known becomes a truth for the truth IS: the pebbles were slipped in and made all diamonds worthless, and I knew it, he knew it and She knew it. So his lie became a truth, known to all connected by his act.
As I see it this was a dream given to me to show me how resurrection works. Even before the lie is told, it is known. And it is the KNOWING that brings the forgiveness and in the forgiveness the pebble turns to diamond.
For me THIS is the End's beginning: to bring our wretched lives and to know: His mercy is bigger than our lies and IN Him, lies turn to truths ... and this is happening all over the world right now. The lie simply cannot be hidden any longer, and our compassionate mourning may save many ... For God is just.
-
-
a good poem penned with a fine pen, ah no matter what we think or do in life, there will always be one who looks at us as a diamond, to some we might be a rough stone, but to others we shine with sparkling light.
--- that is as close to a diamond i could see. 
Adding your comment:
1 - 15 of 15
