Good morning my beautiful ray of sunshine.
I woke up to you streaming down on my face this morning.
Just watching me.
I miss you so much now that you've gone.
I don't know where you are, but I still love you.
I always did and always will.
When the wind blows on my face I know it's you.
When it rains I kiss the pillow you used to sleep on so you know it's OK and you don't have to cry.
And when it is sunny, I laugh and smile with you.
I remember the way you used to laugh when I said something funny, and when you'd sing just because you could.
You were always so happy, so I'm trying not to cry when I think of you and how much I miss you, just for you.
I still wear my ring.
I know you do too, heck nobody can take it off you anyway.
I remember the way your hair danced in the wind with the leaves in Autumn.
I remember when you made snow angels in Winter and how you joined in when the kids jumped with the lambs in Spring.
I even remember when we'd take pictures of beaches in Summer and we'd pretend we were famous.
You're the only one who ever understood what I'm all about.
Maybe because I'm all about you.
It's been a year today: 27th of September.
The first few weeks were horrible, I couldn't stop crying.
Then I remembered everything we'd do together and I smiled and laughed just remembering.
I never thought I would ever find some one like you.
I definitely never thought I'd end up marrying you, you were just so perfect.
I miss waking up next to you, I miss watching you sleeping.
You looked so peaceful. Like nothing could ever harm you.
Fate had it another way, however, and now we have to live in separate worlds.
I just want you to know that no matter how much I miss you, I am OK.
You've taught me how to stay strong, and what is important.
If you were here with me I would give you the biggest hug!
I just want to kiss you and be able to tell you that everything's going to be alright.
I'd kill to just spend one more day with you.
To be able to hold you, to feel your heart beat, to smell your hair.
And if I got that, I wouldn't let night come.
I'd tie the sun in place so it couldn't set and my day with you would never end.
I love you Babe, and even though death has torn us apart, you'll always be here with me. In my heart and in my soul.
You are a part of me and I'm never letting you go.
Author notes
This is written in the perspective of a man whose wife died a year ago. He misses her and wants her to know how much he loves her.
It was hard for me to get into character considering that I'm just a teenage girl trying to write as a grieving husband.
I'm new to the letter writing style of poetry so I apologise that it isn't very good.
In the part where it says "I even remember when we'd take pictures of beaches in Summer and we'd pretend we were famous." I did have it as famous models, but my Mum and sister thought it sounded weird so I changed it.
Please tell me what you think of it, and give some suggestions if you have any.
-heva 
A contest entry
- Lovelorn by poster.
360 points, ended October 17, 15 entries
Silver trophy winner
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest - Imagery!!!!!!!!!!! by XxwhisperonthewindX.
900 points, ended November 16, 79 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest
What did you think of it?
Comments
1 - 14 of 14
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It's a beautiful piece and you captured love well. However I think that this piece drags on a little bit. You're first paragraph is beautiful but other lines seems to contradict lines later on. For example
'Fate had it another way, however, and now we have to live in separate worlds.' This line seems too rational for a grieving recent widow, espicially when you go on to say
'death has torn us apart' in the last stanza.
Anyway I believe if you condense this piece it will excel, as it is already a beautifully emotive piece.
xx Sam
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i really like it excelllent it is a little long but good sad and powerful excellent write
thanks for entering and good luck!
-mary- -
Interesting that the poem was posted on AP 26 September -bearing out the line in the poem "It's been a year today: 27th of September."
Poignant and appropriate initial draft which deserves both recognition for the current state of the art and a revision perhaps for next September's anniversary. This could sharpen perspective and tighten structure while adding alliteration rendering the poem of more than an honorable mention.
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That is amazing emotion and depth that you have rather commendably portrayed through this amzing write and emotion is lifebreathe of poetry for me.Thanks for sharing love you...
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Nicely done. The only criticisms I can come up with is that this would be better as prose. The flow and rhyme are missing from traditional poetry and the form just lends itself better in the other form.
My other criticism (and, by far, you are NOT the only one who does it), it to present yourself more modestly. You should not presume that I will be amazed; that is for someone recommending this to others. You should just offer it and let the reader judge it on its own merit.
Overall, I am somewhat amazed.
Thank you for sharing.
rous -
This is a fantastic poem that does a brilliant job of creating the emotions it attempts to, truly it turns the fundamental melancholy of the subject to a great beauty. As a previous commentor said reading this poem it is hard to believe that you are a teenage girl, the poem is made all the more amazing by this fact, that you had to imagine the emotions the permeate this piece. The pureness and beauty of the emotions at play negate any inexperience you may have with this style of writing.
"I'd tie the sun in place so it couldn't set and my day with you would never end." This is just brilliant and my favourite line of the entire piece.
Phoenix =]
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Arrgh, I'm all welled up now
might have to re-do my mascara in a minute! Hehe. But seriously. I'm writing this with a huge lump in my throat, and the whole piece was very emotional, yet expertly and tastefully done. It was informal and relaxed enough not to be a strict piece of poetry, yet beautifully written and flowing well enough not to be a letter. In my own mind, it is neither - it is a unique piece of art in itself.
Though the theme was obviously very upsetting, you've managed to help us remember the good memories. Also, the line "I know you do too, heck nobody can take it off you anyway." did make me chuckle, it was quite unexpected and it added another depth to the narrator.
I think if you'd written 'famous models' it would've been fine, maybe made even more sense seeing as they were probably doing Claudia Schiffer poses in the photographs lol, but famous works fine too.
I love how you've taken the grief and loneliness of one man, which would usually have a very melancholic feel, and turned it into something beautiful. Can a poem about loss and bereavement be beautiful? Of course it can, when you use the right language and show us some decorative imagery regarding memories. And that, friend, is exactly what you have done.
This is an in-depth, stunning, and sensitively written poem, and thankyou so much for sharing it with us.
Hugs,
Jess
x
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Oh my goodness, this is such a nice comment! Thank you so much and every one else too. I really put a lot of effort into this poem and I'm glad you enjoyed reading it. Thanks!
-heva
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Hard to believe that you the writer is a teenage girl. The feeling of love and loss permeate throughout this piece. This is wonderfully written.
My favorite line is : "I'd tie the sun in place so it couldn't set and my day with you would never end."
Keep writing
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great letter, i totally thought that you were the actual guy writing this thats how good it is.. just be careful at the end... you start kinda babbling a little.. other than that great write!!
~Sam -
this is absolutely WONDERFUL. honestly, i'm speechless. i could picture everything that was happening and it made me think. lovely. <3
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This is a beautiful letter .. In all honesty it made me cry.
It was amazingly written for someone new to this, and from a completely different perspective of your own. You portrayed a man going through such pain, but trying to find the best in it, and staying strong.
"I'd kill to just spend one more day with you.
To be able to hold you, to feel your heart beat, to smell your hair.
And if I got that, I wouldn't let night come.
I'd tie the sun in place so it couldn't set and my day with you would never end."
Is probably my favourite part.
Great write, keep it up <3 -
omg this was amazing i really believed it it was absolutley perfect girlfriend keep writing you got some soul to write from <<<<<33333
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Heartbreaking. In a way, poets are actors- we get into characters sometimes that are not us, but we can empathize with the person our poems portray. You did this very well, and it brought a tear to my eye. I was really quite surprised at the end when you said this wasn't real- the love and longing is palpable throughout the lines. You have written something beautiful. Keep writing!
-K
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