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lotus (tones of autumn)




a city has no color, no true color. slow colors, gray walks, gray birds, gray people, mixed with hypercolors, flashing lights for all that consumption, flashing lights to stop all that consumption, flashing lights courting other flashing lights, no seasons in a city,
fall came to being because it became jacket weather in my nightly treks for something.


.


all I saw was the color of the tree across the street. it was bright, bright beyond red, orange, yellow, too many colors to count or known. I went outside and stared at the tree, soaked it in so much that I burnt a hole in my glove from my smoke.
the neighborhood dog came by to sit with me and we both decided after a few drinks that the tree would burn into the core of the earth itself if it continued this way.
fortunately, in the next few days, the fiery embers fell and the ground quietly nurtured them to sleep.


.


waves of orange forming in the mountains, building every day, all I know now are seasons, corn stalks gone, squash bed uprooted and slowly the earth now holds just earth, it needs to know itself again, completely in its own wealth,
those waves of orange, the last joy it gives, the last gown to entice,

 

 

 

 

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1 - 20 of 20
  • Outstanding

    I liked the way you described the earth in this poem - as if everything eventually returns to its starting point and the way you brought the city to life (I live in a city) with a sense of the concrete (all that grey) and the endless flashing lights. The tree stood out all the more for its grey backdrop and became a symbol of autumn vivid and full of color. Thank you for posting.


  • longte
    October 19

    Edit | Reply
    Glad to find someone who likes cities as much as I do
    Loved this line
    those waves of orange, the last joy it gives, the last gown to entice,

    Nicely done


  • raggyann
    October 13

    Edit | Reply
    this is what i seen as i read this poem
    bundled up people walking to and fro and lights of signals changeing
    mass colours of jackets and coats
    then i seen you and the dog and the beauty of autum
    what a difference of colour
    this was a with images
    packed. and you wrote it to well;

  • I love this prose-type form, and this piece is certainly lovely. The imagery is extremely strong, and the reader is drawn in from the start. Very well done


  • Xianaria gold member
    October 12

    Edit | Reply
    Simply beautiful! I enjoyed the richness in tone and gorgeous imagery!

    Well done!

    ~ Tim


  • longte
    October 11
    Edit | Reply
    The name was brilliant as lotus immediately brings to mind peace and serenity [which is always missing in any city]
    the neighborhood dog came by to sit with me and we both decided after a few drinks that the tree would burn into the core of the earth itself if it continued this way.
    fortunately, in the next few days, the fiery embers fell and the ground quietly nurtured them to sleep.

    A dog like that is worth too much

    Nicely put together


  • cheeku
    October 4

    Edit | Reply
    This piece is quite beautiful. Embracing the reader with the moment it portrays. Very well done, the detail is excellent! The beggining is wonderful. The setup of this piece makes it more inviting and real! "the tree would burn into the core of the earth itself if it continued this way." That is deffenitly my favorite line because this line itself adds so much to the piece. You are very talented, keep writing.


  • All I Love
    October 3

    Edit | Reply
    The language in this makes it seem so vivid and real. I especially liked the section about the burning.


  • tara wilson gold member
    September 30

    Edit | Reply
    beautiful. i love all the attention to detail in this, esp, the corn stalks and squash.


  • Perfect Asymmetry
    September 30

    Edit | Reply
    Beautiful imagery and brilliant choice of words. I love autumn cause it gives us a variety of colours.
    Bravo!
    Nela


  • ciara12
    September 29

    Edit | Reply
    wow i really liked this and i love how it seems that you put your whole heart into your work.. keep it up ♥
    Ciara ♥


  • PurpleSky
    September 28

    Edit | Reply
    you have an interesting piece of work here and it was written well so thanks for taking the time to share it with all of us. All I need to say is the struckture was a bit off
    huggles
    Lena

  • BlackTide
    September 28

    Edit | Reply
    Wow! I REALLY loved this. It's so unique and has a such a good topic. Great work on it, keep writing!


  • Oh.My.Juliet
    September 28

    Edit | Reply
    "tones of autumn" <----- How do you come up with a title like that?! BRILLIANT! Man, this is gorgeous writing, this is what autumn is truly. Best autumn ever (:

    keep writing

    x


  • Wickedruby1 gold member
    September 28

    Edit | Reply
    A good metaphor for a grey dirty city and the one place a man found any color and delight
    Very interesting concept of color


  • JadedSparrow
    September 27

    Edit | Reply

    Bravo...

    Motel, you never cease to amaze me. I really enjoyed this piece read out loud. And I love the format. As always your imagery is superb. A great write from start to finish.

    JS


  • Mandy Pants
    September 27
    Edit | Reply

    bravo

    i love it when people capture my favorite things so perfectly


  • ears2hearyou gold member
    September 27

    Edit | Reply
    vivid imagery you brushed stroked upon the page!
    my favorite was:

    waves of orange forming in the mountains, building every day, all I know now are seasons, corn stalks gone, squash bed uprooted and slowly the earth now holds just earth, it needs to know itself again, completely in its own wealth,
    those waves of orange, the last joy it gives, the last gown to entice,

    I did some camping for the first time in Autumn last year
    in the national forest, lake and mountains.
    and it was almost a spiritual experience to feel the robe of autumn
    embrace us with her beauty!
    I've always wondered perhaps Autumn
    is a metaphor time of reflection gifted to mankind
    visually...for it does seem everything has it's season.
    including tender mankind.

    Loved your POEM!
    ears/Seattle
    You have a natural and beautiful talent!




  • Quill
    September 27
    Edit | Reply
    A thought provoking write, keep on penning

1 - 20 of 20