crickets
in late afternoon
a Spring concert
Author notes
JFTJOI
In a list
A contest entry
- Spring into Autumn haiku by Peteskid.
1400 points, ended October 6, 53 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest
Comments
1 - 22 of 22
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Delicate, but left me puzzled
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love this one
excellent
Mal
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Beautiful words... love it during the day but when they have to come live in your crawl space and sing away when you need sleep, then there is a problem....I have a sound machine and my husband pics that sound to sleep in, I am rain and ocean. Amazing that they rub their legs to make that sound, can't imagine myself singing that way...lol. Getting off track here...well done with the haiku. Blessings.
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I like this! Only one criticism - the direct reference to the season.
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Thanks Mairi
I don't think that mentioning the season by name, 'spoils' the haiku, actually my favourite haijin have done (and do) that many times. Some of them are Basho, Saigyō, Issa, Don Baird, Takahama... -
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Yes, i think those fellows know something about haiku...
...PK
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"Skid, I don't think any of them would have admitted that.
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I prefer to see it conveyed without - the fact that the illustrious names you mention did so in some haiku doesn't make it something that is desirable to do, nor give us an excuse for doing so. When we are Basho or Issa maybe we can take liberties.
Maybe this is a question of zen: First there is a mountain, then there is no mountain, then there is. When we can understand that, we can speak of the mountain. Until then, better to remain quiet on the subject of mountains.
I would love to see how you could phrase this without mentioning the season - but perhaps the moment for doing so has passed. -
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That is it, a question of preference. If the imagery doesn't come right to me, then it will not work, no matter the words choice I make. To have some of the great names in haiku as example isn't an excuse, but a reference that it can be done. Six years ago, Don Baird introduce me to the world of haiku, and since then I didn't stop reading haiku and articles about haiku, in English and Portuguese. I think that after six years and lots of study, I can permit myself to little liberties
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After something like the same time, I have come to the conclusion that the worst thing we can do with haiku is study it!
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the sound and motion of life in the season..
perfect piece Mari..
you and Nicky have got these hooked yes indeed
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Wow~
Oh My You just go on with Your Haiku
Woot~
I could not help but smile
after inhaling this~
Wish I could hear that concert~
Love this!
Keep that quill dancing
Thank You for sharing Your Talent
Best wishes in the contest Beautiful
with love & light~ Desire~*~
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ahhh...
oh yes it's springtime
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A few years back we had a cricket infestation. They were everywhere. Someone left the door open and when I came out of my basement apartment they where covering the floor and about a quarter up all the hallway walls. You couldn't walk without stepping on some. Some people sprayed them with pesticide and it ended up killing a bunch of birds that eat them. I've never seen so many crickets in my life. It was like one of those Amazon moves with the trails of marching ants.
I can remember when I was about nine we had a caterpillar one and on the big hill by my grandpas they stretched all the way from the top to the bottom and then some. We had a massive amount butterflies that year...
Hugs...Eddy
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You know I'm going to say this:
I think either chirp/chirping or singing/song in place of the generic "sound" would be more descriptive and in singing/song's case would pertain to the word "concert" thus balancing the imagery of the piece for the reader...and drawing a logical comparison. Also "song" gives it a heightened emotion thus an added implication of spring. I also wonder if late is redundant since afternoon pretty much defines that it is late. But as I know all too well, some people never listen to my sage advice.
Sure, make me sad now that winter is fast approaching. You wrote this just to depress me, lol
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there is early afternoon too
late afternoon reminds when I used to live in Brazil and heard crickets at late afternoon
the sound, yes, I pondered about song and sound, and went with sound, well, you can see that
Thanks Boopy
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you show us how it should be done, Mari!! of course it's spring now here
~ Nicolette
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Very nice!
ten
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i have been hearing them a lot lately.
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Ahhh... that is a sign of spring, the sound of the crickets, faster and higher as Spring seems to warm and lift our spirits too. Wonderful haiku, Thank you for entering. Welcome to the finals list...PK
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Yay!! chee cheeing here
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funny i still think of Disney movies when I think of crickets...
"when you wish upon a star..." sung by a man with a voice that made the kids think of a cricket... h
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