I Have The Answer! It's.......43! (Question Survey, Not A Poem)

1.If a lesbian has sex with other women but never with another man is she still considered a virgin?
-Which matters more to the lesbian; being physically deflowered or offering herself to a lover? Virginity is more a state of mind these days than a sacred rite.

2.What do you do when you see an endangered animal that is eating an endangered plant?
-The animal is clearly living in its natural habitat if its endangered. It was eating the plant long before either of them were endangered.

3.If parents say, "Never take candy from strangers" then why do we celebrate Halloween?
-The children are asking for candy, not being bribed with it.

4.Why is it OK for dudes to slap other dudes' asses in football, but not in any other situation?
-Because this is MERICA! Weee plaay foooball! (Is there any way to explain that behavior anyway?)

5.Can you cry under water?
-Do you cry above water? Why would being surrounded by water make crying any less valid?

6.In libraries, do they put the bible in the fiction or non-fiction section?
-I'm going to be a deviant and say the Biography section.

7.Why do they call it "getting your dog fixed" if afterwards it doesn't work anymore?
-Because having a dog fixed is all about maintaining an elitist social structure, even if we're just talking dogs here. Plus, more dogs means more work for animal shelters. So really, they're fixing the dogs' tendency to abandon their offspring.

8.If I had my legs amputated, would I have to change my height and weight on my driver's license?
-Would you be any less excluded from including valid facts on your license just because you're an amputee? In fact, they would probably make you put "amputee" somewhere on there, so the height and weight wouldn't even really matter, fake ID's would become obsolete.

9.Why people are so scared of mice,which are much smaller than us, when no one seems to be scared of Micky Mouse, who is bigger than us?
-Because Micky Mouse didn't spread the black plague.

10.Is it possible to be allergic to water? If so then how the heck do you shower?
-First thing that came to mind was "I'm H20 intolerant. *achoo*" If I'm programmed to be allergic to pollen, and other people allergic to wheat and lactose and peanuts, why not water? Oh right, because our bodies are 60% water. We would effectively be allergic to ourselves.

11.Why is it that rain drops but snow falls?
-Rain DOES fall. It falls in droplets. In fact, there's a whole verb made out of the fact that rain FALLS as precipitation, i.e. rainING.

12.When dog food is new and improved tasting, who tests it?
-Clearly those superspecialubersmart government drug dogs. Why do you think Grommit drinks coffee?

13.Why ARE Trix only for kids?
-Because adults MANIPULATE.

14.If a turtle is born without a shell is he naked or homeless?
-Naked. Because being naked is more fun than being homeless.

15.If you swallow a rainbow what color does it turn?
-I don't think you would live long enough to find out.

16.Could you drive any better if I shoved that cell phone up your ass?
-They would certainly drive worse on their way to the proctologist.

17. If you are asked to tell the truth, the whole truth and nothing but the truth and your the main witness, what if you say "no"?
-They kill you. Or kick you out. Whichever is more convenient at the time.

18. If you were to get drunk in a country where the drinking limit is under 21, and went to the states and were still over the limit, could they arrest you for underage drinking even though you did not do the drinking in the states?
-Yes. The legal limit still counts. Just like you can get arrested for intent to sell even if your friend shoved weed down your sock.

19.If ghosts can walk through walls and glide down stairs, why don't they fall through the floor?
-Because ghosts do what they want. Gravity doesn't apply.

20.Why are builders afraid to have a 13th floor but book publishers aren't afraid to have a Chapter 11?
-Why should publishers be afraid of that? And wouldn't that piss the AUTHORS off? Then they would be out of business. It all comes back to ze moneh.

21.Why doesn't Winnie the Pooh ever get stung by the bees he messes with?
-Because it's Pooh. He's a badass, I don't care what you think.

22. Have you ever dug a hole to see if you could actually get to China?
-I tried once. About 3 feet down, I realized why they call this place I live in the ROCKY Mountains.

23.When your photo is taken for your driver's license, why do they tell you to smile? If you are stopped by the police and asked for your license, are you going to be smiling?
-Because frowning takes more muscles. It's really customer service.

24. If Harry Potter was gay would those who love him so much read the book?
-Does the Pope wear a funny hat? Albus Percival Wulfric Brian Dumbledore is/was gay. I still held up my wand.

25. If your opinionated does that mean your a bitch?
-If standing up for what you believe in is being a bitch, then so be it.

26. If you drop a feather off the empire state building would it do the same damage if you were to drop a penny?
-Only if it's dropped by Chuck Norris.

27. If lightning is attracted to metal then what the hell is with umbrellas? Isn't that metal?
-They're NOT metal. Its called aluminum, which is a non-conductor of electricity. Which is also why you can drink beer from a can in a lightning storm.

28. Why do we saving that life is hell? When we don't even know what hell is like?
-Apparently, there's this big guy who lives in the sky somewhere who knows what its like. He made it. But if he loves us so much, why would he make a place for us to burn and suffer? Does he only love us if we love him back?

29. If it only takes one match to start a forest fire, why on earth does it take me a whole box of matches and a can of lighter fluid to light my grill?
-Because gas grills are a design of men used to infuriate the pyrotechnically challenged.

30.When butterflies get upset or nervous, what do they get in their stomachs?
-LADYBUGS!!! (They're the only things small enough!)