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what do you see?



she thought she could ignore
the whispered voices,
secrets shared,
laughs concealed behind cupped hands,
like folded notes passed between teenage lovers
under school desks

and if she turned away,
only one half of her reflection
- distorted by
brightest sunlight and
deepest shade -
would be visible to you

which one?

Author notes

20-50 words
Prompt: glare

A contest entry

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    Comment Suggestion: What is your your first impression?
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Comments

1 - 5 of 5

  • Yemassee gold member
    October 3
    Edit | Reply
    Wow, this is one of your best I think!

    We all have these thoughts going on, little bits of insecurity, you more than some. And in that respect it is personal. Little secrets, of sorts like you skilfully portray.

    I actually like the second half better. For here we see more about the issue, essentially the result of her sensing these secret words. She sees two perspectives...1.) those vitriolic words by those who wish to hard her (and maybe those words are just her own...more than likely) and 2.) the view that some others may have of her, more positive. And being short of confidence, she worries this person she cares about will see the distorted side.

    And you know damned well which side I see. You know darned well I know there is only one damned big good side to you!

    Yeah, one of your finer poems.


    • Snowbear gold member
      October 3
      Edit | Reply
      Not much I can say here, you are spot on. Sometimes people feel that events are changing them, changing who they are, and they aren’t strong enough to resist that change, or too scared. And then of course they worry that someone else might not like the person they’ve become.

      Yeah. What you said, lol

      Thank you


  • sideways hourglass
    September 25

    Edit | Reply
    "deepest shade" is kind of vague. deepest shade of what?
    too much color in the second half.

    i think this could use some stronger imagery, but the concept itself is a good foundation for something better. with some improvement, i think you'd be on to something strong.

    i enjoyed this anyway. thanks for entering.

    • Snowbear gold member
      September 25
      Edit | Reply
      Thank you, some good suggestions there. Great contest

1 - 5 of 5