Ditch the ads, upload images and much more - upgrade today from 5.95/month!
Read • Contests • Groups • Learn • Forums • Store • Help
 

Eternity

Battered by the metals of hatred,
Stabbed by deception,
My will cracks;
Weariness seeps, consumes my being,
And I collapse into pain’s shadow.

Invaded, I am,
By this deafening silence,
The taste of dust, the smell of stained grass.

Faces and phases adorn my vision;
Echoes of voices ripple me.

Scarred by wounds,
Eclipsed by blindness,
Withered by thirst,
My spirit spoils.

A gentle hand closes my eyes,
Calmness calls me, comforts me;
A strange enlightenment filters me,
A latent brightness cleanses me.

Wrapped in velvet,
I celebrate the rendezvous,
And dissolve in a blissful sleep.

*

Spreading the wings of glory,
Enters a new dawn,
And appears the Spring, sprinkling
Scent of life.

Flow back grains of my soul
To kiss the lush meadow.

And soon lives shall rise from me,
To bring back the lost smiles..

To spread the fragrance of peace,
To nurture love,
To embrace eternity.

Author notes

Username : P A R T H S A W H N E Y

This poem is dedicated to those brave soldiers who fight for the country, protect us and suffer the deepest scars of war themselves. It is based on the following quote:

"From my rotting body, flowers shall grow and I am in them and that is eternity."
-Edvard Munch-

Contest:

Option no. 4:
I love this poem because I have done a lot of thinking behind it. I have employed many metaphors and used imagery and am very happy with the content. Moreover, this poem is my dedication to soldiers and it is based on a socially relevant topic, but from a different angle. Another reason why I like it is because it is based on a very inspiring quote mentioned above.
For the first time, I have written something so deep and meaningful, and hence, I really love this poem, and consider it to be my best pre-write.

A contest entry

Please tell me what you think

    I plan to revise this poem: please leave constructive criticism!
    : , Your review:

    Comment Suggestion: What is your your first impression?
    • Line numbers  • Invite them to read
    : no Cost: 0 free left 0 points, You have (?)

Comments

1 - 25 of 25

  • Karra-Mayy
    1 day ago
    ?
    Edit | Reply
    Amazing Write

    Great Write Keep Penning !

    Karra-Mayy x


  • Why so serious
    November 24
    ?
    Edit | Reply
    im not a big lover of rhyme...but i love this piece...and the beauty of the rhyme it got can be related to the message of poem...
    i love it


  • tomisb
    November 19
    ?
    Edit | Reply
    This reads as a piece that is trying to catch the emotional framework more than any concrete events. Very difficult to bring off because people need, by and large concrete anchors of symbolism or event or story to relate everything to and make sense of it. Not that what you are trying to do can't be done. Good effort.
    Peace,
    Tom B.


  • AlexandraHamilton
    November 19
    ?
    Edit | Reply
    This was beautiful to read; a fitting tribute. I can't think of anything that I would change in it

  • Virulent Malice
    November 19
    ?
    Edit | Reply
    It's really well done, my only constructive criticism for you is to be weary of the beginning word in every line. Some instances here where you excessively used the same word to begin each line.


    • Parth Sawhney
      November 19
      ?
      Edit | Reply
      thank you for ur comment n d criticism..i have used the repetition of beginning words in some instances purposely in this write.. i m sorry but this is how I write and this is my style..

      ~Parth.


  • Mary Ann Love
    November 19
    ?
    Edit | Reply
    Wanted to give mor clappies but it won't let me, sorry! & Thank you.


  • Mary Ann Love
    November 19
    ?
    Edit | Reply
    Lovely shape on the page - well constructed. My favourite line is the "faces" and "phases" one.
    Well done!


  • savemysoul
    November 16
    ?
    Edit | Reply
    i liked it, thanks for entering. and good luck. keep writing

    -- jordan.


  • Peteskid gold member
    November 15

    Edit | Reply
    symbolic sacrifice for things noble is one face of conflict, huge profits avarice without regard to humanity is another, we must celebrate bravery and sacrifice honor the men and women, I think we must not learn to worship the choice of conflict over reason, or progress will always be at the whim of war...so you have written a very evocative and noble work, that takes the point of view of the man in the field, the noblest act...very well done...PK


  • Sweet-Sins
    November 11

    Edit | Reply
    wow this is really good welldone!
    my fav part was:

    Scarred by wounds,
    Eclipsed by blindness,
    Withered by thirst,
    My spirit spoils.

    very good
    x


  • Minam
    November 8
    Edit | Reply
    ......


  • itsman
    October 14

    Edit | Reply
    interesting quote... it is all ways good to remember those who have died for our freedom... nice write....


  • Aalta silver member
    October 14

    Edit | Reply
    WOW just WOW... The metaphors, and images and symbols used are amazing... beautiful dedication... and a very touching interpretation of the quote Hats off to you


  • poisonivystar4
    October 13

    Edit | Reply
    Wow.


  • Shantti silver member
    October 10

    Edit | Reply
    This is very whimsicle in a realistic way. I like your imagery, metaphors and flow.
    Nicely done, best of luck in the contest


  • Shibboleth
    October 2

    Edit | Reply
    "Flow back grains of my soul
    To kiss the lush meadow."

    That line is fabulous and ridiculously inspiring. I really love this poem. thanks so much for sharing.


    • Parth Sawhney
      October 3
      Edit | Reply
      thank you so much for ur kind comment..i m glad u liked my piece..

      take care
      ur pal,

      ~Parth


  • HystericalHeart
    September 25

    Edit | Reply
    The poem was good. Seemed very symbolic. Interesting visual too. I don't know how to explain my visual.. Kind of like.. Twisting with different scenery. Heh. Good luck in the contest.

1 - 25 of 25