believe in me,
these lilies don't lie
scent fills my tiny room
buds creeping out of
their green eggshell.
where is your core?
under your skirt or a shawl?
and your mask, take it off
let's loose ourselves in
a parachute of laughter
cry with gusto and
breathe so much deeper
than your heart knows how.
talk to me, talk to me
and eat this apple,
do you know me?
freely read on, this page,
that, i can hold your
hair back. i can be your
rock, your rake, the one
you hold on to.
shake off dust, rejections
and coffee grounds, and CRY
cry, try, sigh and goodbye
if there are no tears in your moon
then you have not had midnight.
Author notes
stream of consciousness.
when will everyone get over themselves and be less shallow??? including myself?
college is puzzling. people are puzzling.
i miss the friends i cry with. they are so good to me.
oh, say what you mean
Comments
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i think the best stanza is the second one! very, very good.
over all i'm thinking you need to focus on puntuation.
for example this part:
"freely read on, this page,
that, i can hold your"
it reads awkwardly because of the punctuation.
overall this is a great piece for being a stream of consciousness,
especially the ending two lines (brilliance!)
peace to all ~flight
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play damien rice and bright eyes at parties and see if that looses up those tear ducts.
but for real, kids will get better/ you'll find people like you/ etc.
I really like this poem. I hope you start liking college soon.
stream of consciouness is cool. I like that last little bit a whole lot.
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you're cool. i really like this poem a lot. i promise that people will start getting over themselves soon. that's what college is for.
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i miss you brianna!
but we will see each other soon.
you will always be my rock and rake... whatever you do with a rake or whatever.
i love you.
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