There are times when I wonder why I put so much effort into creating something.
Creating is suppose to be self served, for my own pleasure of making, not to give away because I made it with you in mind. Too bad your always in my mind, and it feels like everything I create, if its laid down on paper or not, hell if it never does leave the paper, its all created for you. I know, we talked about this, and you said you'd never accept anything I'd try to give you. You don't say it to be cruel, even if in my heart it feels that way, but you say it with the intentions of wanting me to not be able to remember the things I made or bought for you, to remember you at all. A ghost in my memory only. If you had it your way, you'd wipe away even those tender memories of you from my mind. If I had a stronger heart, perhaps I'd let you do it, but I'm weak, at the very core of me, I am weak for you. No matter how hard and strong I may seem in front of you, under all of these layers, I really am a soft hearted fool, who would love to give you so many things, even if you didn't return them. I'd love to leave things behind in your heart, your mind, and with you physically for you to always remember me, and how we felt together. And so, I believe the real reason as to why I do not create these things I imagine for you, isn't because you wont accept them and allow me to give them to you, but because if I were to create them, then I'd have to keep them. Seeing these precious items every day, every once in a while even, would be too much to bear in my weak heart, more so then if I knew you had them with you.
Please accept my stupidity with tender words, because it's all I"ll be remembering later when it's all gone.
I love you
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