I question the state of sanity and insanity pretty often for an average teenager. I know, I'm at that stage when society is telling me that I'm some childish idiot and that I need to act as an adult. 'Grow up to be just like us!; but better.' How am I to be better, to improve this world, if you do not allow me to grow my own way? But I have my suspensions that I've already grown backwards and as I do so, my mind has turn nightmares into day dreams, and dreams into eternal darkness in my sleep. I actually wish to have befallen a hard life, in order to motivate me into doing something about what normalcy I hold now. It bores me and only allows me to continue at a pace of excuses till my next excuse in order to keep my self moving in a singular circle of doing NOTHING. Does that make me crazy, to want to have had bad things happen to me? To want them to happen still? Its rare that I voice these bits of insanity in my mind, less so for me to tell it to someone and let them know that I'm not joking. Am I okay? Healthy? I'm not as bad as others who really do act upon their woeful nightmares, but does that really qualify me for normal? I struggle with this sun and moon inside of me. The sun has shadows burning in its flame, and the full moon shines with harvest blood across its colorless face. Who am I past the act and simple surface responses? Society wont determine me and if I keep on only growing backwards as I have been for the past few years, at what point will the bindings inside of me snap and release the child-monster that has been whispering into my mind for my past lifetime?
When is enough enough, and where can I buy it because I'm not so sure that I'm okay anymore.
The nightmares are my dreams and my dreams lost in darkness...for now
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