you almost didn't exist
stepping with me
over February's icy crusts
I stomped on thin ice
relishing the sounds of destruction
you may have said something
tugging at the sleeves
of your heart
with clammy palms
me?
I was building
cement houses without windows, doors
half an attention
refusing
to
look
back
at the continents
we have refurbished
Author notes
g l a z e c o v e r e d
A contest entry
- 3 Day Round Contest: Tuesday by crivanea.
400 points, ended September 23, 8 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest
Comments
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i love it 
a few suggestions to make me love it more
thin ice " line 4 is too similar to line 3 for it too look good next to each other
half an attention
i was confused by that line
try writing refusing to look back in a straight line without the formatting because i don't think its need since you got such a clear emotional touch in this
otherwise...lovely
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Thank you for the suggestions. Line 3 and 4 are meant to contrast, with the person next to me carefully stepping over the ice while I was stomping on it.
"Half an attention" is basically my version of "I wasn't really paying that much attention"
I'll keep revising this. Thank you for the input.
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Ahhh... Perfect!
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Thank you, sweetie. I love compliments from talented people
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